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How do you make your baby LESS dependent on you?

I have a 3 month old son-And I made a few mistakes since he was born-such as holding him WWAAYY to much and lettng him take his naps in my bed with me (Im not sleeping he is) and now I am back at work and he gets VERY upset- He will SCREAM unless someone is holding him-he wont even go in a swing for more than 5 mins with out screaming because he wants to be held-
Is there a way I can fix this, before it gets worse?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:43 PM on Dec. 5, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

Answers (12)
  • This isn't going to change overnight, you need to gradually get him ok with not being held. I would start with playing with him on the floor and when he is happy, walk away for a minute or two then go back and reassure him (play with him) for a few minutes and then repeat walking away for a little bit longer and keep going back to him and playing with him. He needs the reassurance that you are there. Acknowledge him when he is swinging by talking to him or singing to him so he is comforted by your voice.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:48 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • Uh, sounds normal. You don't want to change this. He loves his mommy. YOU CANNOT SPOIL A BABY BY HOLDING THEM TOO MUCH. That was definately not a mistake. Get a sling like a Maya Wrap or an Over the Shoulder Baby Holder. Free hands and baby feels like he's close to you. Teach his daycare or sitter to use it as well. Babies NEED to be held, he is just trying to get his needs met by crying when he's not held.
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 6:08 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • haha...there's no such thing as holding a baby too much...my son is 6 months old and is CONSTANTLY held yet he is still very independent from us...we have been wearing him a baby wrap since was born but at about 4 months of age he started to want his independence...sometimes he would just like to lay down in his boppy...at 5 months of age we started putting him in an exersaucer...he LOVES the exersaucer because he still feels like in the "conversation" with us but my hubby and i are able to get things done, like cooking..i just bring the exersaucer into the kitchen or dinning room...all i have to do is say "hi baby, i love you" every once in a while so he hears my voice and he will smile at me and continue playing...holding your baby is NOT a bad thing...it's actually the best thing you can do for you baby, but get a wrap or a sling to make it easier on your arms and back
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:47 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • You didn't make any "mistakes"... Try looking at this from a different point of view. Try another approach to understand baby's needs. They are hard-wired to need to be touched-helped-carried.
    Who ever is watching baby while you're working *should* pick him up and hold him. (This is normal nurturing, helps to create an emotionally strong person!)

    Can your sitter use a sling to help baby be happier?
    doulala

    Answer by doulala at 9:42 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • "Mistakes" ummmm ok! The only mistake I see is you viewing this as abnormal and a mistake. Your child is an infant and NEEDS to be treated as such. Contact is a HUGE part of development, of course he is upset, he even knows that contact is needed as an infant. Follow baby's cues and hold baby and if your caregiver can't then find a new one because your child deserves everything!

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:23 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • You didn't make any mistakes. Your baby is perfectly NORMAL. It's not normal for babies to want to spend a lot of time alone...those that do have learned a sort of helplessness becaue no one comes when they call.
    They are SUPPOSED to cry when left alone and put down. Wouldn't you cry out for help if you couldn't speak the languae, were unable to move any part of your body with any sort of control except your head? Would you want to be left alone in the vast void of the world you do not know or understand. Can you imagine the agony of lonliness and boredom if you had no concept that your source of food and love would come back? Babies don't have a concept of time or that you haven't dissapeared. Do you realize that a baby's whole world is YOU and that's by design. The baby knows exactly what he needs to survive.
    Not every baby likes a swing... some babies like to be stationary or swaddled...
    amileegirl

    Answer by amileegirl at 11:00 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • I recommend a sling, wrap, or infant carrier. It will allow you to get on with things while the baby stays secure and happy.
    I have a moby wrap...it has a learning curve but it has proved very useful. I also have a mei tai carrier which is easier to use but I got a size that was a bit big for me so I have to wait to use it until she's bigger. There are many kinds of slings and carriers to choose from for our needs and wants.

    Learnning to nurse baby lying down or sleep with a baby is a bit of a learning curve, but can be done if you make sure you aren't anxious. If all the elements on the bed are safe...just allow yourself to sleep. I have a 4 in 1 convertable butted up against our bed against a wall. I have no fear of the baby falling off so I get sleep. My baby is 11 weeks old now and we've done a lot of learning together.
    amileegirl

    Answer by amileegirl at 11:04 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • Aww sweetie there is no such thing as holding a baby too much! :-) It wont seem like much time and you will have to be chasing after him. :-)
    anklebitr

    Answer by anklebitr at 11:23 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • Momma, he's 3 months old. You are his mother, the one whose heartbeat calmed him for 9 months in the womb. You are the ONE thing on earth that he knows without a doubt will comfort him, hold him, rock him, make him laugh, feed him, change him, etc. I know you think that this can only get worse, but I can tell you, if you continue to hold him to his delight, it will actually get BETTER.

    My youngest needed me constantly. Never wanted Daddy as an infant. You would never guess it now that she is 2. In fact, once she got mobile, she was SO independent. I had taught her through constantly being there for her that she COULD try new things - because I'd STILL be there. You just need to adjust your thinking, mama. This isn't a bad trait at all, and the more you nurture this, the more he will grow and find his independence.
    asaffell

    Answer by asaffell at 1:18 AM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • "he is just trying to get his needs met by crying when he's not held"

    holding him a loooot , wasnt a mistake , in fact , it showed him da u care and taht u love him , and that he is protected , when ur ds starts to crawls and move around , things will change ! and somehow u'll miss these days . i hold my ds a lottttt too , he's 3 .5 months and i also sleep with him , and i slowly started to leave him "by himself" , what i mean is , i would put him in his playgym , or anything like that for his age , with me near him , so i could make sure he was alright , but with musical toys around him , th tv on , anything that would ,mak noise so h didnt feel like he was alone and would start to cry , i would also sit dwn on the sofa , while he was lying down on his playgym and i would talk to him , or i would put him on my bed and if he was entertained , i would just stayed quiet and check on him constantly . put him near a window so
    happymom1988

    Answer by happymom1988 at 2:06 AM on Dec. 6, 2009

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