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Enlighten Me PLEASE!!!!

Um my mom did a downward spiral 14 years ago when she hit menopause,she complains that she is sick EVERY week she is sick,she's been in and out of the mental hospital,and my sister,they live off ssi or disability. She complains that her neck hurts or says that she is gonna die,and also doesnt want to die.She wants us to bring food to her and toilet paper when they're out which is frequently, they can barely support themselves. I can't get my sister who weighs over 300lbs to get moving and find work,she says noone takes her seriously. Myhusband and I are very frustrated with my moms behavior. I've seen cancer patients get out and work and try to live a life my mom does neither and she just turned 60 last may. I don't want to be disrepectful,I have 4 kids 8-14 and don't want them to see my being rude to my old mom. But I need some help some advice please! We get call 10x's a week of her complaining. I do love my mom! But Enough.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:05 PM on Dec. 5, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • I would see if she is willing to get an evaluation from a phyologist. Sounds like she should have gotten help years ago.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:09 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • She has a case worker at wasatch mental health,and she is seeing a therapist she says,and supposedly a psychologist to. They are frustrated with her and so are the doctors because she doesnt have any dangerous or serious health problems. She hasnt had any strokes no heart attacks no diabetes, no cancer. My husband is sick of her being so codependant on everyone mostly us.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:14 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • Tell her to call senior citizens groups. They have case workers that take care of all of that stuff and make sure seniors and disabled folks have what they need.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:11 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • sounds like she just likes being waited on hand and foot. Maybe she is lonely. Just tell her no that you are tired of seeing her live this way and you love her and you want to see her do more for herself and that you just cant help her until she starts
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 7:52 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • One would think your mother just wants to be waited. I see it as a need for attention and maybe perhaps a ittle control issue going on. Your mother's "health issues" seem to be a call for attention, based on what you have stated. Your mother may very well need attention, which I find there is nothing wrong with. We all do. However, when that need takes/drains from your family, balance is needed in the form of tough love. I sincerely think you love your mom, but her demands are overwhelming exhausting. As a daughter, I would loving set aside time for her, taking care of needs that you are capable of taking care of. However, once you have done all that you can do during those moments, you should attend to your family and make time for yourself to recoop. Mom may resist starting off, but stick with it, and don't let the guilt trip kick in. Its important for mom 2 have a healthy life outside of you & more 4 u 2 have 1.
    sariahsmom2007

    Answer by sariahsmom2007 at 9:26 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • P.S. This scenario hits close to home. You have the power 2 answer the phone or not. As a family with your husband I would sit down and let him know how u intend to further handle the situation before it turns into a non-existing mother and daughter relationship due to being overwhelmed. I would also have a second conversation with your mother involved, sticking to your guns. Although this may be emotionally difficult, and at the looks of it you're taking most of the burden, you're only one person. What happens when you break down? I'm sure its not that you don't love your mom, but you need to set boundaries out of love...4u and 4 her.
    sariahsmom2007

    Answer by sariahsmom2007 at 9:38 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

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