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Whywhywhy?

Why is it that I refuse to see certain people for the way they really are? I'm talking about my mother. She is just downright moody and will never do anything about it. There are medicines out there, there is freaking counseling. No. She will not partake in any of that. Instead, I being the only child, have to constantly deal with her ups and downs. On top of the way she already was, she is now going through menopause. You guys have any suggestions on how I can possibly change the dynamic I have with her? I never know how to take her.

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dani2780

Asked by dani2780 at 8:40 PM on Dec. 5, 2009 in Relationships

Level 2 (10 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • You should just lay everything out on the line for her and let her know how you feel about the way she is with you and how it makes you feel and if she is not willing to work on the way she treats you and her problems then tell her that you can't do this anylonger and that you love her but you can take it anymore have her call you when she has done something for herself. then leave put your foot down your a grown women stand up for yourself no one else will ever or should have to do it for you. Mother or not no one should treat anyone like this.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:48 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • Read the book Boundaries. And codependancy no more.
    stickyfingers

    Answer by stickyfingers at 8:56 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • See if she would like rasperry leaf tea and or red clover tea. They are both natural and can help ease some of the symptoms. You can get the Raspberry tea at grocery stores in the health food dept or go to a health food store and get it there.

    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 8:57 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • As for her being this way your whole life then you will have to suggest that either she get help or you will have to limit your time with her. You have to take care of yourself too, ya know.
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 8:58 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • Thx for the advice. The thing is I've spoke to her about this more than once before...How she makes me feel, etc. Nothing changes. I'm the one with the problem in her eyes. It's just time for me to grow a pair and just say to hell with her and take care of my own feelings.
    dani2780

    Answer by dani2780 at 9:11 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • Why do you Have to respond to everything even though you're an only child? Is it guilt of being an only child? Guilt that none of her friends or other relatives will put up with her? You can suggest counselling for her and counter it with a rule of firmly but calmly walking away or hanging up to not fight. I've set boundaries with my own mom and we get along good following those boundaries. Tell her you'll go to a doctor's visit to support her but only if her needs, in your opinion of what you experieince in your visits and conversations with her, are discussed with the doctor in the visits.

    There are in some towns social organziations that make telephone calls on citizens to check their well being even visits. Also if she doesn't work tell her to get to the library - lots of groups for adults there. If you can't stay then drop her off and pick up and don't feel guilty about being late - it gets her into reading evryth.
    lfl

    Answer by lfl at 9:22 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • My own biological mother was so toxic and draining, I cut her out of my life a little more than 3 years ago. It wasn't until I knew she was really out of my life that I realized just how bad it had gotten. It was such a huge relief to not ride her crazycoaster anymore. I'm much healthier without her in my life and I know my kids are better off as well.
    JulieJacobKyle

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 9:23 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

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