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im so scared

I love my dad so much but I'm so scared he's going to die. He's 81 and has the onset of alzhiemers although its really not too bad yet. Well today I went to see him and it made me think of how old he is and the fact that I don't see him more often. Long story short my mother does some things I don't approve of so we don't see eye to eye. I really wish I could see him more often. Today he held my 4 month old dd and I almost wanted to cry because I don't know if he will be alive long enough to form a real relationship (one that either of them remember/appreciate) I remember the relationship I had with my grandmother when I was younger and while I have good memories I also remember her not knowing who I was. It makes me so sad I just want to cry.

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mom06and09

Asked by mom06and09 at 10:29 PM on Dec. 5, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (4)
  • I'm so sorry. Be sure to leave him pictures in his hand and on his desk, bul. board of your son and your dad together. That way you'll be able to tell your son that he absolutely did see his Grandpa and that Grandpa held him and loved him. You could also write a journal for baby telling him of your dad and his many many accomplishments. We have pictures of my husband's grandmother holding two of our kids. We used to take them to visit her in the nursing home. This journey you are on now still allows you and ds and Grandpa more memories to build. You will come through this difficult time. What's most important I think is now for you and your son to have memories of time with your Dad even though Dad's memory is not strong as time comes. It's now your son and you needing the memories not your Dad. When your dad's passed you can also include pictures, I believe, with him. My 88yo fil died this year. Memories help.
    lfl

    Answer by lfl at 10:40 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • I work with families dealing with dementia and alzheimer's disease and it is very painful to see your father/mother go through something like that. Just try to be involved in his life. Take him out for walks, ice scream or anything that he used to enjoy doing before. At times they do remember a little. Their long term memory is intact, have him tell you stories from your childhood and try to record him so that you can always have that. Also contact the Association of Alzheimer's Disease, enquire about a Safe Return bracelet if he does not have one yet. The web site is great and there might be a Chapter in your area where you can go and attend one of their supprt groups. Good luck.
    Yve538

    Answer by Yve538 at 11:04 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • Please don't worry. My mother had dementia and it was really really hard but her long term memory was good, we shared stories of the past and she did have good days. Your father knows you love him and your children will too. When you do get to visit make sure you have a camera to capture the moment with the kids. All you can do is love your father and take care of your family that is what he would want you to do if his memory was better. PLEASE don't feel guilty about time--you can only do whats best for him and your family and he understands that believe me.
    ohio4

    Answer by ohio4 at 11:23 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • My mom lived to be 92 and for the last 5 years of her life, her mind was pretty bad. The thing that amazed me about her was though her mind was bad, her heart was always good. She was so kind and sweet to everyone, and she never stopped responding to our loving on her. I learned so much from my mom, even during the years when she did not know enough to even know she was teaching me.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 6:59 AM on Dec. 6, 2009

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