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HOw to get over a rape?

i was gang raped when i was 12 and i'm almost 20 now.It was three men. they all went to prison and have reason been released. i'm still stuck on it and live in constant fear. It affects my relationship in some ways just because of the comfort level. any advice would be greatly appreciated


Asked by newmommyjazz at 3:58 AM on Dec. 6, 2009 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,750 Credits)
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Answers (12)
  • Rape isn't an event that you "get over", its an event that you learn to live with. You will never be like you were before the rape & you will constantly think bout it thruout your life. Certain things will trigger that memory over & over. What you can do is reduce your reaction to it. Figure out what's triggering these memories/feelings & address those. Talk about your rape & how you feel w/ others. The more you talk the less it hurts, it gives you the power over the event. Realize that the rape WASN'T ABOUT YOU, you just happened to be in the right place at the right time for that rapist. Rape is a crime where sex is the weapon that's used, its not about romantic feelings, its about power & control. Just bc you were raped doesn't make you any less of a wonderful, special person that deserves to be & feel love. If you are lucky enough (I say lucky bc there are so many a*&holes out there) to have found a good man

    Answer by Nyx7 at 9:08 AM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • Try theropy. I can tell you that helped me.
    Also try to find some kins of support group. I am sorry that happened to you. I have been twice. Once by a guy who I thought was a friend. He took my virginity, I was so scared of him because we went to school together and were in the same classes that I couldnt bring myself to tell anyone.
    The second time I was gang raped too by 5 black guys.
    I was 16 the first time and 19 the second.
    It took me a whole to feel comfrotable with a man alone but I did it. I do however still have many nightmares :(

    Answer by Mrs.Owen86 at 4:08 AM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • Honestly, you never really get over it. That is something that is always going to bother you, I'd try seeking a therapist. Therapy could help you with your relationships. Good Luck.

    Answer by trevsrockinmom at 4:34 AM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • omg i'm so sorry, i have been raped 3 times. first was from a so called "friend" he took my virginity. 2nd and 3rd i was pretty heavily drugged and I don't remember much thank god. I found that when i finally told my therapist about these incidents i felt better, i still have a really hard time with men. sometimes i hate them so much for no reason at all (even hubby) i don't think i'll ever completely get over it either.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:56 AM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • Try a therapist. You never fully get over it but you do learn how to live your life. Good luck! So sorry this happened to you.

    Answer by purpleducky at 9:01 AM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • did they go to jail because of you? because that is amazing. congrats for locking them up. the police didn't even pursue my claim against my attackers.
    I was also gang raped when i was about a month pregnant with my DD in Aug. 2008. I will never get over this. I was drugged and don't remember but the first guy.... and i can only imagine the other 3 did based on bruises and imagination. I am seeing a therapist.. but i don't think the nightmares or constant fear will ever leave.
    but good luck. you are beautiful. you deserve to live a full life. They took you for one night... don't let them take you forever!

    Answer by honeybee429 at 9:03 AM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • talk to him about how you're feeling. Explain to him what triggers these feelings & he can make sure he's not inadvertently doing things that may be bringing back those memories. The most important thing to remember is IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT, I'll say it again, IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT. When the guilt kicks in remind yourself of that. Start focusing on being a survivor & not a victim. Its not an easy journey & there will be more hurt along the way but you can overcome this event & not let it control your life.

    Answer by Nyx7 at 9:13 AM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • Seek therapy, specifically a therapist that deals with victims of sexual abuse or therapist that deals with trauma victims. It does help, even though it sounds cliche. You might also see if there are any support groups you can attend where you can talk with others who have been through the same thing. Realizing you're not alone will be helpful and you might get tips from others on how they have survived it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:19 AM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • @honeybee thank you. they all went and i didn't have to testify because they all admitted it. ..I'm sorry u went through that and let alone you were pregnant, After my incident i found out i was about 3 months latter and i was forced to have an abortion
    @msowens I;m sorry that u went through it as well. i will def look into therapy hopefully its not really expensive.
    @trevsrocknmom thank you as well. ;)
    My guy is very understand. when we talked about it he cried and it was almost as thought he felt ever bit of my pain. SOmetimes i have flashbacks but i never talk to him. maybe i will start now.

    Answer by newmommyjazz at 11:03 AM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • its not something you ever really "get over", but it IS something you can learn to accept and not allow to affect you.
    i was raped by my BF when i was 14 (how i lost my virginity)... and brutally raped by my husband (although in NC there is no such thing as "Rape" if you are married).
    those are bad things that bad people did to me, and i have trust issues. i accept that it happened, and i refuse to allow it to cause me fear. i am more aware of people in my lives, and it is very hard to gain my trust, but i can say without hesitation that i have in fact learned how to trust. though i do still have a lot of walls, when i am able to let someone in, those barriers are not there.
    therapy might be helpful for you. it was not for me, i actually regressed. but to each his own, we all function differently... only you have the power to come to terms with what happened. i hope that you can, there is still sun on the outside.

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 11:17 AM on Dec. 6, 2009

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