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Don't want to feel Guilty, but I do.

I am engaged to be married and it's both of our 2nd marriages. We both had kids with our first spouses and our kids are both young. (My parents divorced when I was 3). I am feeling guilty bcuz his son is 4 and the way my fiance describes his divorce, it sounds like they didn't try too hard to work on the marriage for the sake of their son. They had been married for 12 yrs and waited 9 yrs to have their child. When they both say they divorced because they fell out of love, I'm astonished that their love for their son wouldn't help repair that part and keep them together. They are both fantastic friends with each other, and, I don't know, the situation seems off to me and I'm having second thoughts on going through with the marriage. Is this just butterflies, or could I be on to something?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:50 PM on Dec. 6, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • I don't really know what your getting at. I you scared that he might fall out of love with you, or do you think he might fall back in love with her. There is always the chance that something could happen. But if they don't love each other in that way anymore...then you should be fine. But some women don't want a man, and don't want another women to have them either. How long have you known your man. Some people are just better then friends then they are lovers. Maybe they just agree to get along for the sake of thier son. But either way...he loves and want's to marry you. If he still wanted her, you wouldn't be marrying him. And just cause they didn't try very hard in your eyes...doesn't meen that ya'll can't try (if you ever go through a spell with him).
    GotToHaveFaith

    Answer by GotToHaveFaith at 5:10 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • I don't think people should stay together just because of a child.. I mean that may sound weird, but everyone deserves to by happy and if its not with each other then so be it.. sounds like they are good people who are still friends which is very rare. but good! just not ment to be a couple.. at least they are both a part of their childs lifes.. what more could you ask for? They didnt try super hard I guess because neither of them felt it anymore.. I agree with them.. end it. Don't stay in a loveless marriage because of a child
    maybebaby83

    Answer by maybebaby83 at 5:59 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • It does seem to show he doesn't put much into the idea of marriage. It's not something you just throw away when things don't go well. Maybe no one told him. Half of all marriages end in divorce and second marriage end in divorce even more often than that so it's something you should think about carefully. Divorces hurt kids. Two divorces might teach the kids that marriages are not supposed to last.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:56 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • Op: I think I agree with admckenzie. Is there anything I can work on on my end? I don't want to regret my decision one way or another so Id like to analyze the pros and cons of my situation.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:28 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • sure divorce hurts kids.. but whats worse? watching your parents get divorced or watching them waste their lives together not being happy? I would much rather my two parents be happy and live wonderful lives then stay with someone they are no longer in love with because of me.. talk about guilt!
    maybebaby83

    Answer by maybebaby83 at 8:14 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • If you are not 100% sure marrying this guy is right thing to do/ Don't do it then. Go with your gut feeling.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 8:29 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • Have you ever really communicated this to him? Does he know how you feel? That would be a really good place to start.
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 9:54 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

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