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How do you work thru your problems with your hubby when he mistakes you voicing your concerns about the relationship as BITCHING?

He makes me so mad when he says i always bitch but to be honest i think thats his way of avoiding talking about our issues. It ruining our marriage. I need that emotional connection and sex just aint cuttin it! I love him but i feel so alone in this marriage

 
31angelmommy3

Asked by 31angelmommy3 at 5:54 PM on Dec. 6, 2009 in Relationships

Level 8 (245 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • If there is something you need to communicate about in your marriage, try talking when your husband can give you undivided attention. Have family planning dates-- go out for a coffee and discuss the kids or the bills or whatever. Or have coffee in your bedroom just the 2 of you.

    Men can't really pay attention to 2 things at once unless it's sports. Schedule talking time. And make it rewarding for him too. Bake him cookies or something kind.

    Men revert to "stop bitching" when they feel helpless or like they can't solve it. Men like solutions and talking about feelings to them is like you waving a distress flag. They go "oh shit she is dying and she thinks I'm killing her and I can't fix it and I didn't do it." Then they shut down and try to get away from you.
    ecodani

    Answer by ecodani at 8:32 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • OMG! I am not the only one with this issue? My husband is GONE all the time, when I want to talk to him about anything he says I just want to bitch at him. No matter what the subject. I sure hope someone can answer this question for the both of us!
    Good Luck!
    crazy1974

    Answer by crazy1974 at 6:02 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • There is a good way to fix that. When he wants some sex. Just do it back to him. Tell him stop naging and bitch about sex. Then proceed to not give him some.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 6:06 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • oh that just causes more trouble... already tried that!!!

    31angelmommy3

    Answer by 31angelmommy3 at 6:10 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • He says that just to get you to stop voicing your opinion. It's called manipulation so he can control you.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:46 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • thats actually not it at all... i can understand why you would think that tho. We just have been going thru a lot here lately and were both just having trouble reconnecting together with all our financial issues and him working these crazy ass hours cause of the holidays :( i just dont know what to do. Im afraide our marriage is slipping fast
    31angelmommy3

    Answer by 31angelmommy3 at 6:53 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • i can relate somewhat! when my husband gets angry at me i tend to nag and press the issue because I WANT him to understand. sometimes he listens other times i look up and he is staring at the TV. anywayz i do what that lady said sometimes. i say NO when it comes to SEX and he gets even more furious but the next day after work he comes to me and is willing to talk, BUT this is where my problem is. my husband never comes up with things of his own to say. he basically rephrases what i say to make him sound like he is trying OR just sits there and says "ok" "because" "uh-huh" "i love you" short phrases that irritate me! soooo ya i dont really know what to tell you but sometimes you just have to stand your ground and let them know your serious. when i threatened to leave if things didnt get better my husband mention counceling and we been great since :) i wish you luck!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:22 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • Honestly, "Voicing your concerns" is bitching. Though it doesn't justify him dismissing the subject just because you are. Don't let him dismiss the subject. Let him know that regardless of what you're doing you're trying to talk to him about something important to you. Ask him to just hear you out, and talk it through with you. Don't go at it like "You, you, you, you, you did this wrong", because nobody will sit there and listen to that. Go at it with a solution and see if he responds better to it.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 7:26 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • im really trying. Ive totally stopped pointing fingers and simply asked to talk but as you said anon... he trys harder to seem interrested in the conversation then actually comming up wityh a solution or anything worth saying. its breaking my heart and with our 17month old son i dont want him to pick up on our negative vibes so im constantly putting on a fake smile which is completely breaking my down inside
    31angelmommy3

    Answer by 31angelmommy3 at 7:36 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • Ha. Bribe him to pay attention. That sounds like a great new direction to take the relationship.
    SandySlaughter

    Answer by SandySlaughter at 9:31 PM on Dec. 6, 2009