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MOTHERS..whom have adopted their child(newborn or not)....do you feel your "our" baby comes with...

A "clean slate", that they are happy well adjusted,(or seemingly so), and WHAT makes you think this? This is a very serious question, so please give true honest opinions! ANON or NOT, just opinions, Thanks, C.J.

 
ceejay1

Asked by ceejay1 at 6:26 PM on Dec. 6, 2009 in Adoption

Level 15 (2,298 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (25)
  • No, I don't believe that babies are born with a clean slate. To me nurture vs nature are both pretty much equal. If you get the baby from birth and you nurture it with alot of love and attention you can have a happy and well adjusted baby. As for nature the child can have a wonderful temperment or difficult one, depending on its genetic makeup. Or you could have a birthmom who doesn't take care of herself during the pregnancy which of course can cause problems for the baby or vice versa (she takes great care of herself). Anyone concidering adoption or even having their own baby should of course realize this. Out of my 3 chidren, 2 of them were wonderful babies while my daughter had a very difficult temperment and I still see that in her today.
    staceynoel

    Answer by staceynoel at 10:21 AM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • I have adopted but do not quite understand your question...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:36 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • I think what CJ is asking is do mothers who adopt brand new babies believe that their babies don't experience any grief or loss by being removed from the mother who carried them for nine months and who is the only person they have every known.
    miriamz

    Answer by miriamz at 6:38 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • I adopted my daughter when she was 6. Her biological mother died when my dd was 4. Of course my dd remembered her biological mother and for the first few months we talked a lot about her. I year after I adopted her she started calling me mommy. She's 13 now, an awesom girl. We still talk about her biological mother when she wants to. She keeps a picture of her next to her bed. She doesn't want to forget her and I like being a part of helping her with that. I don't feel bad talking about her because I know my dd loved her very much. My dd is an amazing girl, really rare though.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:48 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • When I adopted my dd he was just a few days old. He does not remember his biological parents and he doesn't want to know anything about them. He is 16 now and he is thankful we adopted him. He came with a "clean slate", sure.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:50 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • My daughter was adopted at 17 months internationally. She lived her whole life in an orphanage.. Did she come home with a clean slate?? Nope. No adopted child is a clean slate regardless of when they were adopted. Even though she was in an orphanage for 17 months, she had nannies, and an environment that she was used to and was taken from that and thrust into a situation that was completely foreign to her ( no pun intended). My dd has first parents somewhere in China and she has recently asked about her first mom. She has a beginning, but unfortunately we have no information for her. I will be more than happy to assist her in trying to find her first parents if she so desires later in life.
    mcginnisc

    Answer by mcginnisc at 7:17 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • I agree with the pp. There is a lot of baggage that comes with an adopted child.
    newmomma14

    Answer by newmomma14 at 7:24 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • BLESSINGS, thus far, to ALL whom answer this with the seriousness it deserves, so thank you from the bottom of my heart:) I am sad for the 5:50 pm ANON., for this is one of the signs...that indeed the child is NOT a clean slate. I greatly needed to HEAR from Moms,Wwhom have their child, "our" child by way of adoption, for this shows me where it is their true feelings lay:) Thanks again for answering this with true feelings, C.J.
    ceejay1

    Answer by ceejay1 at 7:35 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • No child is a "clean" slate. Even children that stay with their bio parents have issues from the start. WE ALL HAVE ISSUES! Adoptees just have some that go with the loss of biological parents. A child that is born drug addicted is not a clean slate. A child that was surrounded by turmoil, yelling, stress, and lack of proper nutrition in-utero is not a clean slate. When we enter into a broken world, we very quickly develop "issues".
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:09 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • CJ, I don't believe that my son came with a clean slate, but I do believe that he is happy & well-adjusted. Even though he was only 6 m/o, I believe, while he may not remember life before us, that he'll ask about it eventually. We have pics of his birth mom & grandma with him & we look at them from time to time. He's only 2, so there are no questions for now, but I believe that my attitude & words about his birth family (even though he came to us thru foster care) will help him form positive feelings for them in the future. At least I hope.

    PS-I think what you mean by "Do they come with a 'clean slate', is.....have I (first mom) been erased?" I believe that AP's should not seek to 'ERASE', but to EXPLAIN as best they can, with what they know, the details of their adoption in a positive light so that the child is content with their adoptee status, but still secure enough to seek or be sought by birth family. JMHO.
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 8:27 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

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