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Should I say GOODBYE

I placed my child for adoption the past year There is a open relationship I just feel like Im doing them no good by being in there lives They have showed nothing but Love and compassion to me but I feel like Im doing them no good with all of my "issues" They seem so happy all the time I dont want to Rain on there parade How do I know that they really truely care for me as they say they do or am I really just a burdon to them

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:17 PM on Dec. 6, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (23)
  • Why do they need to know any of your issues? Other than visiting like a friend of the family what is your relationship with them?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:19 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • I know how your feeling and if they want you to be a part of there lives then be there for your child. If your issues are putting your child in danger or afecting them then walk away for now and when your back on your feet then get ahold of them but just keep in mind that the door swings both ways and if you walk away for a minute they can to.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:22 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • I think you should be a part of your child's life. I don't see what your "issues" have to do with it. Please stop feeling down on yourself. You made a decision to do what is best for your child. You should feel good about that.
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 10:28 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • and you shouldnt rain on their parade. It would be very selfish of you after giving them up for adoption to want to hear from them "how much they love you"..i would never ask that of them. I hated my ex's ex wife because she would go throughout the entire year without seeing her 2 kids but yet she had the nerve to call every night and say "mommy misses you..how much do you miss mommy"...that is sick! Just to make herself feel better. You should never jeopordize a childs emotions just because you are feeling down on yourself for giving them up...let them live and be happy...dont make them feel guilty because you might. I'm sorry but i just did'nt like the way you stated "i dont want to rain on their parade"..DONT.

    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 10:28 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • Except their kindness, one can never have to many friends or too much support.
    mommorgan

    Answer by mommorgan at 10:29 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • No SHAY Im NOT that selfish thats not what I ment I would NEVER expect to hear that from my child nor would I put my childs emotions on the line
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:34 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • well i dont know your situation neither does anyone else so we cant really judge you. I'm just giving my past experience with my ex's wife...the way she did her kids was horrible. They would cry when they would get off the phone cuz they "missed her" they never even got to see the damn woman...she was just so selfish and wanted to make sure that they loved her...and got off and hearing the kids cryin to be with her. OOH i hated her.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 10:38 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • my other thoughts are...i feel that you cant choose to be a mom only when you want to be..a mom is a full time job..you cant just pop in and out of a childs life as you please.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 10:42 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • I don't know if PP is involved with adoption in any way. Your open adoption relationship is not the same as a non-custodial mother who doesn't bother to see her kids. My son's bmom has felt the same way you said you are feeling. We've continued to invite her to get together but without putting pressure on her. If you feel that you just can't right now, please don't burn the bridge. Try to leave it open for contact in the future. Have you talked with any of the other birthmoms at CafeMom? I know they can understand how you are feeling. I wish I could help more. I hope you won't decide to cut off contact permanently, when your child's adoptive parents are open to having a relationship. Just allow yourself some time if you need it.
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 11:26 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • I am an adoptive mom with an open relationship. If our childs birthmom said goodbye I would cry. I feel that she is one of my best friends in this world and it is good to share with someone you care about the ups and downs in life. Maybe the adoptive parents aren't burdened by your "issues." Maybe they really want to help. But if you have shared with them your thoughts and they tell you that you aren't a burden to them- believe them. I surely don't feel that she is raining on our parade. I care about her. I truly do. Just as I care about my sisters. How do you know if they really care? What does your heart tell you?
    hollyanne31

    Answer by hollyanne31 at 12:54 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

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