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friend dating a rapist ....why does she make it out like im the one being unreasonable?

well i called her tonight telling her im done, i dont want anything to do with him and the next time he comes to my house im calling the cops...her response: thats harsh poor"john" is going to be so sad he cant come over anymore he will be uspet that he cant see the kids, maybe you 2 need to go to counseling and work something out'
i tell her whats to work out? i dont want him around when he comes around i lose my senses i get distracted edgy and bitchy.
she acts like im the one with the problem. i went through counseling after the rape and was ok till she brought him around..then she tried the guilt trip saying well he might get back to drinking again and kill himself...i say not my problem...i dont even know why he cares so much to be around me...


Asked by Anonymous at 11:24 PM on Dec. 6, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (20)
  • He's doing it because he gets off on seeing you so upset. Rape isn't about sex, it's about control and domination and intimidation, and hurting people, and sex is the tool they use to do that. He wants to come around because he knows it upsets and bothers you, and it gives him a thrill and a sense of power.

    She does it because either she's a nasty piece of work that enjoys seeing your pain for some reason, or she's totally clueless and has allowed herself to be convinced that he was the poor, injured party, and that he "needs her" - as shown with her comments about how he'll start drinking again, he might kill himself, etc. So, basically, she's also getting a thrill out of it, because it makes her feel needed and important.

    I think you should do like the pp's suggested and get a restraining order against him - frankly, against them both, and have nothing more to do with them!

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 12:38 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • Did this guy rape you?!! And this person wants everything to be ok to bring him around you?

    Answer by Lifes-A-Dance at 11:27 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • If she can't understand why you dont want to be around a rapist, whether you have been raped or not, then she is not a very good friend- and not too smart of a woman to be dating a rapist. Maybe she is just caught up in the newness of the relationship and is making him her center and thinks he is just oh so great and has changed. Try to open her eyes and explain to her. If she can't understand then its her loss, not yours.

    Answer by MamaHardy2008 at 11:28 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • Did he rape you? I am confused.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:28 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • op here
    yes he raped me 7 years ago he was my old land lord he came in at 2 am raped me in my own bed with my 2 yr old in the next room..charges were filed but he got off light...his first least first reported one...i showed her police reports and medical documents and she still thinks he is a saint and im being a selfish b*

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:32 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • she posted before..yes he raped her.. was her landlord came into her apartment at 2 am and raped her... he has been through the justice system for it and is already out... If this is wrong correct me....

    If she can't understand it and get her damn head around this issue she isn't worth having as a friend.

    My ex raped me and I'm still not over it and have only seen him once since it happened (found out where i worked).

    Just don't take her calls anymore and stick to your guns about calling the cops if she brings him around.....if he keeps coming around then get a restraining order and call the cops everytime.

    IT could be that he cares because POSSIBLY everytime he sees you he gets a kick out of it.. .after all rape is about the power not the sex (hence my ex raping me when he could have gotten with permission if he wasn't such an asshole)

    Sorry for what you're going through and you're stronger then me.

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 11:34 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • Then she is not a friend. She is the one being a bitch not you. How dare her do that to you. I would not even speak to her. She is not a friend. I would never NEVER do that to you if we were friends. I would not only NOT bring him around, I wouldn't speak to him. I hope you have other friends besides her. You deserve much better. I am sorry for what he did to you. It must have been a terrible thing to grow through.

    Answer by tree1997 at 11:37 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • oops go through

    Answer by tree1997 at 11:38 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • I would stop being friends with this person because obviously she could care less about your feelings. I pretty much would have ended the friendship the first time she brought him to my house, if this were me.

    Answer by Christina807 at 11:39 PM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • op again

    think the worst of it was she blamed my husband for being out of town on a job...just because my husband was gone for days to a time doesnt mean its an invite to be raped...

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:40 PM on Dec. 6, 2009