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How do you emotionally handle watching someone die from alcoholism?

I love my fil very much. He has a bad drinking problem and he is dying.We pay his bills because he's drunk and won't.Trust me the other option is worse. He has cancer and won't go to the doctor! I know it's beyond my control, but it's so hard to see him deteriorate and die in front of you. He's lost about 60lbs. I almost cried looking at him today. He's not long for this world. Any ideas to get me and my family through this? Pleas no intervention or trying to change him advice,it's really beyond that now. This is hard!

 
Steff107

Asked by Steff107 at 12:22 AM on Dec. 7, 2009 in Relationships

Level 3 (16 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • My mom has been killing herself for years with alcohol and drugs. She's in the same boat. She has good days and I just use those days to enjoy my real mom and let my kids know her for who she really is and hope that she'll follow through and quit before it's too late like your fil. If it gets to that point, I don't know what I'll do, but I imagine it will be similiar to what I am doing, and know that when she passes her tortured soul will finally have peace.
    Seven07

    Answer by Seven07 at 12:50 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • just be there for him as much as possible. you don't want intervention advice or trying to change him advice so for me that means that you have to accept who he is and what he is doing and just try to make plans that may keep him away from the stuff..like family get together..around a movie or a chat.... it's hard not to give change or intervention advice.
    Aasiyah

    Answer by Aasiyah at 12:36 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • my father died of cancer ....and he refused any treatment. basically the family accepted it and did as much as they could for him until he passed away. The reason he didn't want treatment is because he didn't want to lose his hair. but he has stomach cancer so he didn't see much hope in surviving it either way so her prefered his hair. we adjusted and did the best we could.
    Aasiyah

    Answer by Aasiyah at 12:39 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • Im in the same boat as you except with my own father. Pretty much everyone in my family drinks heavly. I think I am the only smart one not to. Its never easy. trust me. My dad is living with me now and seeing him on some days at his worst kills me inside. Just cherish the moments good or bad as much as you can. If you say no intervention than there really isnt anything.
    ILovemyson1020

    Answer by ILovemyson1020 at 12:39 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • I agree with pp...I watched my father die of alcholism and also he was in the final stages of Hep.C...He always told me that he only drank to take away the pain. Maybe that is why he drinks, he knows its not going to get any better so he has accepted it in his own way and I'm sure deep down he wants you and your family to accept what he has. Its really hard, but you can only do so much for him. Just be there for him is all you can do. Its very difficult, but you and your family must stick together even when times get rough, it will make you all even more stronger in the long run. You and yours are in my prayers.. I really hope things start to get better soon, just remember God above has a plan for us all. Turn to him with your problems, he is the best listener and he gives many silent blessings to us all..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:51 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • gee..i couldn't walk away from this. Don't give up on him... change can occur!!!! when you least expect it or think it will.

    my uncle was dying of alcholism... he was at his worst low point ever... we would find him sleeping under cars. one day he hit rock bottom and doctors thought he was going to die. something woke him up and he joined a local church and stopped drinking. it's been around 6 years since h e's had one single drink.

    Turn to God.. Ask God to guide him and heal him from this. If God Wills, he will guide him away from this.

    I hate hate hate alcohol!
    Aasiyah

    Answer by Aasiyah at 12:53 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • Ok my dad is doing the same thing and I dont feel bad he has dug the hole now he is going to lay in it. May sound harsh but what can you do but be there for him.
    IMAMOM2-2KIDS

    Answer by IMAMOM2-2KIDS at 1:10 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • if it was i, i'd talk a`lot, sometimes not that much as for him to have rest, opportunity to speak, sometimes i'd just call. i'd made that special person to know i've always loved him and be here on earth-on this side-for him from that point now. i would pray and talk w/ that person sometimes too, after he passes away, as we did on daily occassions. i'd tell all i thought i want him to know. i'd`tell i'd do everything i could to lower his`pain after death. these certainly were special masses, flowers on the grave, and wondeful moments we had together cherished forever in my heart. all the youngest who did not know him well would learn from my stories how the best him was to me and others. our last moments i'd try to make fun, no matter what. i'd try to live normal life after all, though it would be so hard. i'd set some goal for myself-life lasting-and go towards it w/ him in my heart. what a help he've had given me,a blessing
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:24 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • Look up Al-Anon and Adult Children of Acoholics meetings. I'm sure there are some close by. Go to their website. http://www.adultchildren.org/
    Vero0724

    Answer by Vero0724 at 1:35 AM on Dec. 7, 2009