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For all the married or engaged women out there...

Iv been with my BF for about 1.5 years now..I know I want to marry him..I want the house, the kids, the life with him. He on the other hand doesnt really tell me what or how he feels about all this..He says he want it but right now no. I just think that if you know you want that sort of life with someone you make it happen. Iv told him over and over why not get engaged and have a long engagement? He doesnt say anyting to that..I dont know if im holding onto something that will never get to the point where we both want it or what. Im so confused because I have friends who have dated and gotten engaged right around the one year mark. I dont know if its me or if its the guy im holding onto..and he just doesnt want that life but doesnt know how to tell me..

So my question being..How long did it take to realize that you wanted to marry your husband? and was there alot of talk before hand?

Answer Question
 
LovingZachary09

Asked by LovingZachary09 at 12:30 AM on Dec. 7, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (33)
  • We get engaged after dating for 2 1/2 months. It was really quick, but we both just realized it was what we wanted. We had a long engagement, got married a year and a half later and we've been married for 14 years now (together for 16). There wasn't a lot of talk about getting engaged, it was really spur of the moment (I never did get an engagement ring) and I know my parents were concerned about how fast things were moving (especially since I was only 19), but it was right for us.
    canadianmom1974

    Answer by canadianmom1974 at 12:37 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • I knew I wanted to marry him after our son was born. I thought he felt the same way so I brought it up and he freaked out. I guess, he wasn't ready. I felt the same way you do...I just wanted the committment, we didn't have to be married right away, but I wanted to be working towards something and that committment was really important to me! Anyways, two years went by and I was thinking about leaving and finding someone else who had the same desires and then he proposed!
    theutilitarian

    Answer by theutilitarian at 12:38 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • me and my so have been together 9yrss and have two boys but neither of us really want to go that route... have a good conversation over the matter hear what he is saying and not what u wan to hear, good luck
    mirit.rose

    Answer by mirit.rose at 12:40 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • I was with my husband almost 2 years before we got married. Well all I have to say is some men are different on the committment thing. i would give him time sweetie. but when you sit him down just say i respect anything you want to do i love you and you know what i want in life with you, but i,m not exactly sure what you want yet. and make it a very positive conversation, men are little picky and scared on certain conversations so it can easely become an argument. so reassure him it doesnt have to be a hard for him to tell you just its something you need to go on. and let him know you are willing to wait, u just want to be sure he still wants long term with you. make it very happy and calming convo. give it until the 2 year mark, but talk to him now. you need to know sweetie. I realized i have been hurt up until I started dating hubby he called me all the time i barely even had to call him he rally cared more than anyone othe
    Armywifelovely

    Answer by Armywifelovely at 12:41 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • I went through that with my husband. We had done long heart to heart talks about spending our life together and having the house the family and etc..He although said he wanted it but not at the point we had spoken about it. He said when he was ready he would propose to me. It took him a year and half although we new after only dating four months that we wanted to spend our lives together. We have been together over four years and married two and half. We have a house, a baby, and two dogs..Give him time sweetie. He will come around in his own time. You don't want to rush things..Some ppl may think they know what they but sometimes guys in general just need more time then women when it comes to making a life long commitment..
    sleepless2009

    Answer by sleepless2009 at 12:42 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • other man.. so i would say I really realized 5 months later when we first said I love you
    Armywifelovely

    Answer by Armywifelovely at 12:42 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • My husband and I dated about 2 months, got engaged and married exactly a year after meeting! I hope things work out for you, but if it was me, I'd done be gone, sorry...
    Christian-Mom79

    Answer by Christian-Mom79 at 12:43 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • I got engaged after 6 months of dating, but we were only 19 and it was more of that teenage puppy love thing than truly considering our options and being smart about it. Luckily for us, we actually WERE right for eachother and after a 4 year engagement (and a lot of talking and soul-searching) we were married, and have been married for 2 1/2 years.
    However, just to address your particular situation - it kind of sounds like your guy is either not ready for that kind of commitment (and there are a LOT of reasons why that could be) or he just is being a guy and doing the contrary thing. Once you've lived w/ a man, you notice that the more pressure you put on them to do something, the less likely they are to do it. Its just a guy thing. My advice is, stick it out if you are otherwise happy in the relationship,and stop putting so much pressure on yourself and him. Wait and see where things go if you stop pressuring.
    Iskkra

    Answer by Iskkra at 12:45 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • Pretty quick. He proposed with the ring and all at the 6 month mark, and we married a year later, and have been together happily since. I just knew he was the one for me right off the bat, so to speak. Likewise with him. Usually women mature faster than men, and men usually aren't ready for the responsability of children, and the committment of marriage as quick as men are. It doesn't mean that your significant other doesn't want that in life, but perhaps he doesn't want it now? It's actually wise to wait and think it over, so don't beat him up over it, but it does need to be discussed openly and honestly without you making him feel interrogated. If you do that, he'll clam up and most likely won't tell you what you want to know--The truth. Good luck!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:45 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • Men...sigh...where to begin. They are simple creatures, yet they cause us gals so much confusion. Unless your guy is a total scumwad, I'm pretty sure he's being honest when he tells you he wants to settle down with you, just not right now. How old are you both? Perhaps he has things he wants to do before getting saddled with a mortgage wife and family?


    I know you know what you want, and want it when you want it (nothing wrong with that!) but pressuring, guilting, whining, threatening...you don't want to resort to any of that. It'll turn you into someone you don't want to be. Have a serious talk with him about your concerns....we often wonder why men don't know what we want or what we're thinking but if we don't tell them, they'll never bother to try and figure it out.

    I wish you luck girl! I've known my DH for 18 years (and we've only been married for 2!) and I still don't get him a lot of the time...lol...men.
    sgtdemanda

    Answer by sgtdemanda at 12:46 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

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