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Need advise on physical side of marriage

I've been married 16 years and have 12 & 7 year old kids. Past 4-5 years, my husband and I don't have any physical relationship. Just found out about a week ago he had sex with one of his aquaintances. He said he's sorry and I've decided to overlook it this time because I really don't want to breakup the marriage especially because of my kids. couple of years ago, we did talk and he said he doesn't have any sexual desire for me. I'm not sure how to take this... we have absolutely no physical relationship but he's a good daddy and we do things together. What can I do?


Asked by Anonymous at 1:46 AM on Dec. 7, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Please, I hope you know that I didn't mean that in a negative way! It's very easy for us as moms to fall into that - I've done it myself - where we get so caught up in taking care of everyone else, and their needs, that we ignore our own, and don't take care of ourselves.

    Plus, if it's been that long since you've been intimate with each other, there's a very good chance that deep down, it's been a vicious circle - you don't feel attractive, so bury your feelings with food, which causes weight gain, and causes you to feel even less attractive, and so on. Those feelings can then carry over into your relationship with him, and how he sees you, as well.

    Again, it is NOT meant in a mean, nasty, or a "you just need to lose weight" sort of way! Like I said, I have struggled with this myself!!!

    But counseling can help - with you working through not taking care of yourself, too, and also on fixing your marriage!

    Good luck!!

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 2:38 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • maybe you too should have sex with someone else. just a suggestion.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:49 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • it is tempting as I like the intimacy of the sex. Unfortunately, I'm very old fashioned and will feel guilty for it and end up divorcing him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:53 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • If you stay with him, you can probably expect more of him cheating.

    Answer by mayas_mom at 1:58 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • Anybody else had to deal with cheating husband? How do we get over it?

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:04 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • he told you he does not desire you sexually. its time to get out. You staying will only hurt you more and the kids can tell if mommy and daddy aren't getting along. Think about your kids. sometimes its better to leave then stay. He can still be a good daddy..... but apparently he can't be a good husband.


    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 2:18 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • That is too long to go without any sex from your spouse. Have you tried marriage counseling?

    Answer by alejandra559 at 2:20 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • I agree counseling. Jumping straight to divorce is not a good decision in my opinion. I think you two need to talk about it more, and perhaps get into marriage counseling.

    Answer by toriandgrace at 2:22 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • no. will the counseling help?

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:23 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • There could be any number of reasons for this. He's either still having sex with someone else, or he's gay (acting on it or not), or he has a medical problem that has caused problems with his sex drive. Or, and I do NOT mean this mean at all, it could be that there's something about your appearance that has changed drastically that has caused him to lose interest. (PLEASE know I do NOT mean that mean, or that we should all be starving ourselves and turning ourselves in to little plastic barbie dolls! Just that sometimes there are drastic changes that can affect that...)

    Or it could mean that there are problems in other areas of your life that you may or may not be aware of that are affecting how he feels about you.

    I would STRONGLY STRONGLY suggest counseling to get to the bottom of it, because this isn't healthy for you or your kids. You deserve a real marriage, and they deserve to see one modeled.

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 2:26 AM on Dec. 7, 2009