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What are the grounds for divorce?

I see people say "if you're not happy, leave" all the time on this website. So is that your criteria?

In my marriage, we have agreed that the only acceptable grounds for divorce are abuse or infidelity.

So what are your grounds for divorce?

Answer Question
 
toriandgrace

Asked by toriandgrace at 2:25 AM on Dec. 7, 2009 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,464 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • The one thing that is 100% a deal breaker is abuse - physical of one of us or the kids, or substance abuse that wasn't being treated and addressed. Though neither of us expect the other one to stay if the other one was doing something that was so destructive that it would cause our kids to be taken from us. We would expect the other one to use tough love and leave with the kids, while encouraging the other to get help.

    Depending on the situation, adultery. I did tell my dh yrs ago that if, say, he was deployed and say he was to make a mistake and get drunk in port and have sex with someone, as long as HE told me, right away, and I didn't find out from anyone else, AND, after a LOT of therapy and EXTENSIVE testing for disease, then I MIGHT be able to forgive it, because everyone makes mistakes. But that's a lot of ifs...
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 2:32 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • btw -

    When I told him that, he made it very clear that he doesn't want to do that, and doesn't want to cause that damage to our marriage and possibly to one or both of us physically, and he's never cheated.

    We've been married 17 1/2 yrs.
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 2:33 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • I think your criteria is way to narrow. What if you grow apart, change, something that makes you just miserable together, you argue all the time, you're unhappy or depressed, etc. Do you want your children to grow up stressed out because you are forcing each other to stay together? I guess if those are you terms and wither of you had any sense one of you would just have to cheat to get out of it lol.

    I think that's easy to say now, but you might change your criteria some day!

    BTW I've been VERY happily married for 7 years, this isn't coming from personal experience, just common sense.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:41 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • i truly believe saying you grew apart,dont love him anymore,dont feel in love are sorry excuses to end a marriege,i think love is a descision you make,your not always gonna be in love no such thing just like you wont always be loveble your self,you work things out and days will come when its bad but it never stays like that forever.yes i rather show my kids that real love conquers all thing and belives all things,how can a child ever make it and havea strong marriege when all you show them is that if your sad or dont feel in love that day the answer is to get rid of your spouse,how terrible,no wonder divorce is so high,we as people have grown to be more self centered could care less about what damage we can cause to our very children all because one gloomie day we felt like we dint love our partner.dont say vows before God if you dont comprehend what u r saying.
    BUSYLOVINGHIM

    Answer by BUSYLOVINGHIM at 4:10 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • I agree with the OP. Why bother getting married if you're going to leave at the very first moment you're not happy. You might as well just date or live together until you're sick of each other. I get so tired of see so many women saying "Leave him!" Lets not think of anyone but ourselves. I think the media and movies have confused the general public on what marriage actually is.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:06 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • I do not think that just because your not happy is reason to divorce. There have been plenty of times throughout my 4 1/2 yr marriage that I havent been happy, but it's certainly not enough to end an 8 year relationship. Honestly, infedelity and abuse, to me or my children, are the only reasons I would leave my DH.
    cassie_kellison

    Answer by cassie_kellison at 5:37 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • Adultery is the only legitimate grounds for divorce. There may be other issues which are serious enough to warrant a temporary separation while the issues are being worked on. Marriage is meant to be the place where we get rid of our selfishness and learn to put another person ahead of our own pleasures and comfort. One of the major problems with marriages today is that women have somehow come to believe that their own happiness is to be the goal. The goal should be to make one's spouse the happiest man on earth. When the wife has that as her goal, she will find that is what makes her truly happy. It is in giving that we receive. As long as one is more concerned about what she is getting rather than what she is giving, she will never be happy, if she marries a thousand times. We should be teaching our sons and daughters that marriage is for a lifetime, so they need to be very careful in their mate selections!!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:20 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • The 3 A's (Adultery, Abuse, Addiction) are the only reasons my husband and I would get a divorce. However, the addiction part would only be grounds for divorce if all resources have been used and no change or improvement has been made.

    JeremysMom

    Answer by JeremysMom at 8:50 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • For me and DH, the only grounds for divorce are abuse, infidelity, or an addiction.

    And as for the anon that says that's too narrow of criteria and what if you grow apart. Well, you will grow apart from time to time in a healthy marriage...it's only a matter of time. When you do, you remember your vows to one another. You work on your marriage and reconnect. Some days you may feel that you are only staying together for the kids, but if you're both grown ups about it and committed to your union you will find your way back to one another.
    ThrivingMom

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 9:45 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • abuse and repeated infidelity.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:54 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

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