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Exs and children making things complicated

There is this guy that I've been friends with/ worked with for over a year now. We've been really good friends for 6 months and hang out all the time. Things have happened between us recently, but we're keeping it quiet because his ex who broke up with him before she found out was pregnant would make our lives hell. She doesn't want him to be happen because she's not. I'm not sure what to make of this situation or if it will ever get better. I really enjoy spending time with him and everything's great when it's just us, but I don't want this to be a dead end. I guess what I asking is if anyone has any advice on what to do?

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:16 AM on Dec. 7, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Any relationship that you have to keep secret is not a good one, so break it off now. It sounds like this guy has way too much baggage for you to have to deal with. Tell him good-bye and wait for someone who doesn't have all the junk.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:34 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • Personally, I don't allow my ex to have any say about my relationships. I don't tell him about them, but I don't hide them either. And if he tried to interfere, I would put a quick stop to it. I think if he's telling you that he wants to keep things quiet so that she can't make his life hell, either she's got major problems and he should seek legal action, or he's feeding you a line. If you really want to try to make this work, I would ask him how long he intends to keep things quiet. Does he intend to hide you forever? Will you ever meet his friends and/or his family? And how quiet can you keep things? I mean, unless you two are going to hide out at home all the time (which presents its own problems, as that could end up being just a strictly sexual relationship), eventually she's likely to see you together or someone who knows her will see you together and then tell her.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 8:39 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • Honey...I doubt that they ever broke up. He is keeping you a secret. You're the other woman. Get out now.

    Answer by WatermelonNerd at 8:46 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • I think you need to try and look at this situation more objectively and stop trusting everything he says. Any time a man talks about how crazy, controlling, evil, etc that his ex is, it's a big red flag to me. He loved this crazy, controlling woman enough to get her pregnancy. The story behind a break up is never as one sided as people make it out to be.

    Also, I agree with WatermelonNerd...he may be keeping it secret because he's actually still with this woman and he's having an affair with you.

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 9:39 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • Chances are he is still sleeping with the ex and does not want her to know. He has a good situation with both of you so don't expect it to change. I speak from experience on this one. A guy I dated for 8 months kept me a secret told me he had an ex and what not. He was divorced but him and his ex were getting back together. He had me on the side in case they didn't work out. I would stay away from him the ex and kids are not in your way he is.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:53 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • Ok, I guess I should have said more lol. We both work with the Ex, they dated for 3 months and broke up before she found out she was pregnant. She says all the time how much she hates him and doesn't understand why we are friends. We have quite a few of the same friends. She is very control and will use his child against him and tell him that he can't watch his 8 month old son or make it very difficult for him. I know him and her well enough to understand why he wants to keep it secret. Like someone else said, I do need to find out how long he plans on keeping it a secret because I won't put up with it for long. This whole thing only started less than a week ago so I am going to give it some time and be a little more hands off. I'm just not sure how to approach the subject of where this whole thing is going.


    Answer by Anonymous at 1:30 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • Bump, It won't let me edit!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:06 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

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