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I am need of advice

Okay here we go...so my husband has this ex he was with for two years before he met me she has been a nightmare from day one alway telling me that he is cheating on me with her but every time she tells me when he is doing this the times do not match because he is with me so I know she is lying well anyway wen we got married she even went as far as to say that she was having his child she has put me and him thr0ugh hell but before all of this they were great friends she saved his life he was considering committing suicide and she was there for him the reason why he say that he left her was because they argued all the time and he was never happy well anyways now after 6 months of not talking to her she calls him crying asking for help because her parents are going through a divorce and it is hurting her emotionally now he didn't even tell me that they were speaking again I had to find out through opening a text....

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:23 PM on Dec. 7, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Continue....Then when I bring it up he shows me all the past msgs. of how she isn't trying to get back with him she even asks how him and I are doing but something about this is still suspicious to me should I just let him be nice and help her with her problem I mean he reminds me time and time again that he married me and love me not her and that he can not help but be nice because she saved his life
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:25 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • He may have thought explaining the situation would just open you up to more stress. I think he needs to cut ties with her, being open to her problems is only giving her hope that they can be together again. It may be the best thing for her as well. No one should take precedent over your peace of mind, especially not an ex and when it can be easily remedied by ignoring her attempts at contact. 

    Farrahann

    Answer by Farrahann at 12:28 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • A married man should never counsel a woman alone. This is something pastors have learned. If he wants to counsel her you BOTH need to be helping, not just him. Are you willing to do that? Is she willing and is he?
    Otherwise this is a no. IMO
    MamaChamp

    Answer by MamaChamp at 12:28 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • You save someones life because its the right thing to do, not to hold it over them and try to ruin their marriage.
    Farrahann

    Answer by Farrahann at 12:30 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • Op here - I completely agree with what all of you are saying he is showing me every single msg that is being sent and I give him advice on what to say since I have experience with the matter because my parents are divorce and his are not but I still feel as though eventually she is going to get the wrong idea or get to comfortable with talking to him and I don't ever want her to assume that she is welcome into my life or my home
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:01 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • Has he explained to her how deeply committed he is to you?  Has she ever apologized for all the lies she told you about him? To you or him?  If she wants him as a friend that's the least she could do.  I agree with Mamachamp on counseling a women alone.  Giving someone comfort can be misconstrued.

    Farrahann

    Answer by Farrahann at 1:11 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • Okay for one she is a grown woman and her parents are grown as well. It shouldn't be effecting her life that much. I know it is hard when parents seperate but it happens all the time. She is just finding excuses to be closer to him. Men do pity a woman with tears. I would have him cut ties. He would have to choose her or me. Do they even have kids together? It's enough that I have to deal with my step childrens mothers. Which since he has cut ties with them and only focuses on the children life has been grand. I would say he needs to stop unless she is willing to have you involved as well.
    And don't get me wrong on the divorce thing, my parents divorced twice I do know the feelings involved, but she doesn't need a married man hel;ping her.
    suzyb1980

    Answer by suzyb1980 at 1:34 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • Op here-technically she is not a grown women because my husband and I are really young I didn't want to get bashed about my age but yes I am only 19 and my husband is 20 and she is 18 so she is still living with her parents which is why she confides in my husband because he is the only one that knows the fights that her parents get into from what he tells me the mother is extremely unhappy but does not leave him because she knows that she can not support herself and her daughter dh has told her to leave him alone but wen she called crying is when he caved in because he could hear her parents in the background chewing each other out. Well I guess if I am able to defend the situation then I am beginning to accept a lot of your feed back has helped a lot its just difficult knowing that the one you love is talking to someone that they once loved I guess I can accept it for now but not forever thanks
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:05 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • It is totally unacceptable for him to comfort his ex (or any woman), especially THIS ex! Compare his phone bill to the actual texts on his phone......are alot of them deleted? Well, then he has a lot to hide......

    I smell a rat. A BIG one. I bet you "know" you smell one too....but this relationship will have to run its course until you have solid proof.......because you are so young, you will learn the hard way. (Like my girlfriends and I did when we were your age!)

    However, if your husband is truly done with this girl, he needs to break ties, INCLUDING, changing his phone number.... It is what I made my SO do after THREE girls were calling and texting him over and over. He would tell me they knew he was in a committed relationship & were told to stop calling....but come on! If this were true, they would have to be psychos to continue calling! I knew he was lying....and eventually got my proof....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:47 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

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