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if a mom asks you to keep her kids for awhile bc she can't care for them, and she signs a paper that gives you temporary custody....

and you DO EVERYTHING for the children - dr's, school meetings, financial etc... completely treat them as your own etc., can you go file for adoption of them - or FULL custody???? and will the "mother" HAVE to get visitation with them? like - can she decide that? bc i really am at the point where we want to adopt them - bc we've had them so long - and want it to be legal, bc mom is so unfit and we dont want ehr to take them, but we also don't want to deal with her on an "every other weekend" basis...? you know what i mean? right now she only asks to see them maybe once a month - if that, but if we adopted then would we be OBLIGATED to drive them to her all the time for "her time"?? (she cant drive) i don't want to deal with the "divorced parenting stuff".... if i wanted to, i'd get divorced! you know what i mean though? i feel like if she cant care for them - let go - shes such a mess. advice?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:37 PM on Dec. 7, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (12)
  • I would see an attorney, it seems you have a lot of reasons for the children to stay with you. I hope it all works out for you and the children.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 12:39 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • If you adopted them, you would have no further obligation towards the natural mom but I would HOPE you wouldn't exclude her completely for the sake of the kids. If might be a "hassle" for you but when you adopt a child, its about the what is good for the child not what you or her want. As long as she's not a physical danger to the kids, why would you want to try to just "erase" her from their lives? Nobody is perfect. At least she had the foresight to realize she couldn't care for them & TRUSTED you to do it. She could have just turned them over to foster care & been done with it! I would consult a lawyer. You'll need a lawyer anyhow.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:41 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • OP HERE

    well - the kids whole life they've been between homeless, and random homes... drugs, violence, seen / heard it all.
    the kids stayed with us on different occasions but she'd take them when she got upset about anything. we're afraid if we dont make it legal then she'll take them again. (right now she can do that) we do not in any way want to cut her out completely. we just dont want it to be like any time she asks to see them we have to take them... like a permanent "schedule". and also - if she can't drive - do we have to provide transportation for her to see them? last time we took them she even asked us for money (again). its upsetting. we want the kids to have a normal life - we are also starting a family. (due in april) and want some sort of normalacy.... but not to cut her out. i just dont know how to go about it - and whats HER / OUR rights would be if we adopted them vs. joint custody with mom?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:46 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • What does your lawyer say? No one can give accurate legal advice here even if we did know where you lived because if a lawyer was to give legal advice over the internet they can be disbarred.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:51 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • Once an adoption is final the natural mom has no legal rights at all. None. She cant request anything legally. Even if you agree to do visits its not legally enforceable in an adoption situation. You have no further legal obligation to her. To put it simply.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:54 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • Unless she is willing to let you adopt them, you'd have to have her rights terminated. Its possible I"m sure since you've had them so long & she has made no attempt to make her life better to get them back. But yeah, you will need to consult a family law attorney.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:56 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • OP HERE

    I have no idea where to start - who to call - who to talk to - etc. ....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:10 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • Once you adopt them, you don't have to see her or drive them to her. We adopted my younger brother because his mom couldn't take care of him. She was allowed to visit if she wanted, but there was no obligation. She maybe saw him a dozen times in his life. She was busy taking care of the 3 kids she decided to keep. If she wants to see the kids, she'll have to get herself to them.
    Pnukey

    Answer by Pnukey at 1:11 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • http://laws.adoption.com/statutes/state-adoption-laws.html
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:18 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • Another thing, did she voluntarily sign over temp custody? This could cause some problems in trying to prove her an unfit mother. I signed over temp custody to my cousin once when I was going through a rough period. When I asked that my son be returned to me after I got my life in order, she tried to fight me on it. She got the court involved and the judge tried to order an eval on my home through social services. SS told me they couldn't do an eval because the temp custody wasn't filed through them and they weren't involved in our situation from the beginning, it was voluntary by me to sign over custody. Since they didn't order custody to be taken from me, they couldn't do the eval. in the end the temp custody was up and the judge told my cousin she had to return him to me. I don't know if that would pertain to your situation but I hope everything turns out ok.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:19 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

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