Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Reaching 50 and thinking about divorce. Has this happened to anyone?

Next year will be my 50th birthday. I have been married since I was 19.
I am on my 3rd marriage and my 20th wedding anniversary is next July. My children are all over 18. Two of them still live at home.
I have never been on my own. I jumped from one marraige to the next.
I am having such a strong urge to be on my own, to be able to do what I want whenever I want. I want to know what it feels like to be free.
My husband controls my every move. He knows the passwords to all my emails and even keeps me away from family and friends. He still tries to control my daughters and they are always argueing. They don't understand how I can be married to him. (they are not his biological daughters). When I bring up the subject of wanting a new life, he gets sentimental and makes me feel guilty. He says I will never find anyone that loves me like he does. I am so confused but I know time is not on my side because of my age.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 4:42 PM on Dec. 7, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • yuck, if you've been living like that, I say drop it!

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:45 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • I say be on your own!

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:45 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • Now's the time. My grandmothers both got remarried at the age of 70. You can def find someone better to love you, you are not too old. If you're not happen then don't stay and don't let him talk you into something you don't want.

    Answer by yezay at 4:51 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • do you work?

    Answer by Tummysmomma at 4:52 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • If you want to be free why listen to him about how no one will love you like he does? What does it matter if time is not on your side? I'm hearing you want to be free yet you are worried another man won't want you or love you. If you don't work out the fear of another man not wanting you you are at risk of jumping into another relationship and marriage.

    It's important to decide what you want. Do you want to be free and live on your own? Can you afford it? Can you handle how lonely it may be at times?

    Or, do you just want to be rid of your husband and be with another man?

    I'm 53 and have been single for 21years. I don't even date. I look good, at least 10 years younger than my age. I like being single but it's not for everyone.

    If you want to leave just do it.

    Answer by Gailll at 4:52 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • This is not a whim on your part, it is your instincts telling you that your marriage is not a good one. If you had a happy marriage and said that you were thinking how nice it would be to be on your own, I would have thought it was just a phase, the old grass is greener thing, but you are not being treated well from what you describe. Counseling, perhaps to see if he'll change, and if not, then a separation to see how you do on your own at first, but so you find out that you are worth more than being under someone's thumb.

    Answer by Bmat at 5:02 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • I got divorced long ago.We had two kids.He had no interest to get a job.And girlfriends.So I threw his belongings into the front yard.The neighbors loved it.But I learned that getting divorced is not an instant solution.My divorce just gave me a whole new set of problems.But I still would have put him out.I wouldn't have done anything different.

    Answer by evelynwest at 5:06 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • I'm in my 50's and being on my own is the best thing I've ever done for myself. I was married 3 times as well. I am FINALLY happy.

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:30 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • My mom was 60 when she divorced my stepfather. She is happier now than she has ever been. She was married to my dad for almost 30 years before he passed away from cancer. She panicked after he died and married a guy she thought would be a good companion for the rest of her life plus she was terrified of being alone I think after all those years of depending on my dad. The marriage ended because he was controlling and an ass. She is on her own and she has struggled through some things but you know she is growing stronger and happier every day. If you are miserable it is time to think about taking care of yourself. Good Luck to you :)

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:21 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • i just did it a year and half ago after almost 25 years. I just turned 49. and while i am not always thrilled with my life, i am happy to be free of that part of my life. it was a huge relief to leave and be on my own.

    Answer by pammd at 9:34 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.