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Help!!!

I was wondering how many SAHM pay for a babysitter (professional not a neighbor) so that they can have some time alone every week? My MIL is insisting that we need to pay a professional sitter 4 hours 2 days a week so that her son and I can get a break. I feel that we brought this child into the world and it is our responsibility to have to take care of her. We have worked our schedules so that she doesn't need to go to daycare or to a sitter. I pride myself on that. My job seems to willing to work with me and be more flexible then his job which is for his mom who only needs him a day or so a month. But she is insisting that we pay for a sitter that we don't need and can't afford.

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coala

Asked by coala at 5:25 PM on Dec. 7, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 28 (37,064 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • If it's so important to her that you two to have some alone time, it seems like she should be volunteering her time to watch her granddaughter. Why is a professional necessary if you have family/friends around, anyway? I don't see why anyone should pay for something when they can get it for free.

    Besides which, it's none of her business what you and your man do on your spare time.

    To answer the specific question, when I was a SAHM (and even since I've been working), I never paid a "professional babysitter" to watch my kids. If my husband and I wanted to go out, we usually asked his sister or mom to watch them, which they were very willing and eager to do for no charge.
    DragonRiderMD

    Answer by DragonRiderMD at 5:33 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • Not her decision.

    My son & DIL go out and I watch my 15 mo grandson. I have been involved in his care since he was born (with them around when he was little) and he enjoys staying with me. He even closes the door on his dad. He brings his dog! And I'm free! They know if he got hurt or upset I would call them.

    It's great if there is more than 1 or 2 people to raise a child and childcare doesn't have to be your 100% responsibility 100% of the time. I understand not wanting to leave your child with a paid sitter. Once he or all your children get older you will have the rest of your lives to go out alone.

    Your MIL should not be insisting on anything. Your son should have a talk with her. She should know her place. I don't even suggest things to my DIL.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 5:43 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • When our children were young, we never got a break. We had no family close enough to help us out, and we had zero money for a babysitter. We took our children with us everywhere we went. We made them behave at home so it was really no problem to take them with us. Our marriage has thrived for almost 45 years, and now that the nest is empty, we have all the time we want to do whatever we want. It is an investment for sure, but the dividends are great. Maybe your mother-in-law just has a different concept of what a couple needs. If I were you, I would very respectfully tell her that these are the choices that we are making and that we are most content with our decisions. After that, just ignore her. It will not be necessary for you to further defend your actions.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 5:51 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • Well I don't pay a "professional babysitter" but I do pay my niece to watch our boys on occasion. If we plan on seeing a show or something. Or my mom will help out and babysit sometime, she doesn't expect payment though.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:02 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • I agree, if she is so hot to trot about it then she can do it or can it. And I would love it if I had family near by that I could just babysit for one evening a month to remember what time together was like. We did that just before he deployed and it was great, we were able to talk and hold hands, it has been way to long.

    DevilInPigtails

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 6:30 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • I personally think that yes, alone time is good for your relationship. Two days a week? Not necessary. Maybe twice a month, but professional daycare is NOT needed for that. It's ultimately up to you and your DH. Good luck =]
    mommykayti

    Answer by mommykayti at 6:39 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • I started to once a week for 3 hours...just to do the grocery shopping and other errands by myself. It didn't last long. She was great...but my husband's boss stopped freakin' paying him so I couldn't pay the sitter.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:04 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • My oldest is 8, youngest is 4, my husband and I RARELY get out alone and we don't care we enjoy taking the kids with us, I agree with the first poster if the MIL thinks you need time out she should be offering to babysit. And if hubby and I do go out its only for a couple hours and my parents keep the kids
    DianeMary

    Answer by DianeMary at 7:27 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • My son is an extremely active little guy. Although I'm a SAHM, I have a local high schooler come in a day or two or week for a couple of hours to give me time to either take a break , do things around the house, or run errands. My husband is fully supportive of this. I also hire the same sitter periodically for my husband and I to get out. My parents happen to live very close by so they also will sometimes volunteer to watch their grandson. Financially, we can handle this so that isn't an issue. For my son, he's loves to have someone new to play and he's learning how to deal with new situations/people. I think it is important to make sure you have time with your husband but there are other ways to do this if the cost of a sitter is an issue. (i.e. Shut the TV off at night and plan a late dinner or just time to talk.)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:49 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • I agree with NannyB. I do take the kids to the gym when my hubby is working. I wouldn't, except I am working on losing 50 pounds so I'll be around for the next 50 years. :) So, I consider that hour worth it. I've tried walking with them, but it's more like a slow stroll because the toddler wants to walk, too.

    Other than that, we don't use babysitters. We don't need to. We prefer to spend time as a family. Twice a month, we put the kids to bed and have a late dinner, just us. It's next Thursday (I'm excited!) and I'm making crab cakes and shrimp bisque. We can snuggle up by the fire, and that's our "date night."
    apexmommy

    Answer by apexmommy at 6:24 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

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