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Smoking against hubbys wishes

Ok, so before me and hubby got married I smoked cigarettes but he had me promise him to quit as a wedding present for him. But he does not have a addictive personality so he doesn't realize how hard that is. I was doing really good but now that my dd is 15 months, and completely weaned, I have started back up. I only smoke (outside) after she has gone to bed, and hubby has gone to work. I don't do it around dd or in areas where dd might go (like the car).

Now the question is: should I just come right out and tell hubby that I've started back up and deal with that argument or wait and see if he catches me and deal with it then? The argument will basically be the same either way.


Asked by Anonymous at 7:11 PM on Dec. 7, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • So you are lying to him and going back on your word as well as him trying to be your daddy instead of husband. I'd come clean and tell him that if you want to smoke you are a big girl and he will have to deal with it.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 7:13 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • He can probably smell it anyway so you might as well come clean and tell him. That's a very hard request for him to expect of you. If you're feeling guilty about starting again, maybe make it a personal goal to work on quitting. I quit last yr and so did my Hubby, he had a few slip ups, but I told him just to be honest about it. He hid it from me the first time he slipped and it really hurt my feelings that he lied. I told him if he starts again, then I will. I think the guilt of that has helped him keep from smoking again.
    I know you can't do that with your Hubby but maybe tell him that you will do your best to quit, and that you're sorry.

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 7:17 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • Ive had the same problem. But i just came out and told him and i told him what the first answer said, i told him That i was a big girl and i am old enough to make my own choices. We argued but he got over it real fast when he found out that i wasnt gonna let him control if i can smoke or not. So id just come out and tell him about it

    Answer by CandyMama231 at 7:28 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • I would try to quit again....what prompted you to start back up anyway?

    As a non-smoker - a SO who smokes is absolutely a deal breaker....for a ton of reasons. I have really liked men who smoked, in the past, but their addiction is such a turn-off that I couldn't bring myself to get into a relationship with them.....

    I hope you will try to quit again.....but if you can't, I think it is best that you tell your husband before he catches you.....

    Answer by TLALONDE16 at 7:31 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • I would come clean. I pretty much did the same thing w/ my hubby. But different circumstances. I got a way w/ it for about 7 months or so. Then he came home from work early unexpectedly, BUSTED!!! He was very upset, which I don't blame him. But it would've been a lot better if I came clean w/ it. Now I'm still smoking and he doesn't bitch about it. But I know that he would love it if I tried quitting again. I recommend telling him about it. Even if it is hurtful to him. Best to just come out and be honest. Good Luck!!

    Answer by Tiffany237 at 7:47 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • By you going back on your word and lying about it is totally wrong. That is very hurtful and I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate your DH hiding something as big as that from you. I understand its hard but I hope that you have really thought about what your doing to yourself. Your addicted to the nicotine, a drug, that will kill you one day if you decide to continue. This decision to smoke in the long run will affect everyone around you. No I'm not trying to bash you so please don't take it that way. Just making sure you realize this decision isn't just affecting you. My DH stopped smoking for this very reason. You don't want to caught because trust will go right out the door. Good luck and I truely hope everything goes well.

    Answer by ProudMammaMia at 8:02 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • I don't think he's wrong for wanting you to quit smoking or trying to be "your daddy", he's just concerned with his wifes health. You need to tell him and apologize. Smoking is an addiction, he does need to understand that and support you in quitting. Maybe its time to talk to your doctor about quitting aids like the patch.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:10 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • You say you have an addictive personality?? Sounds like a cop out. That's not an excuse to be addicted and lie to your DH.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:12 PM on Dec. 7, 2009

  • I have this same problem. Im a "deployment smoker" as I call it. When my husband is here, Im fine and dont need them. But when he leaves the country, all my hard work goes out the window. He hates when I smoke and I dont tell him that I smoke while he is gone. So maybe Im lying or not being completely honest but Im an adult and this is my choice. Its my one vice and I can live with that. Since Im assuming your husband doesnt leave much, I think you should talk to him about it. Just be honest, tell him that youre trying but you will slip up and youre trying to minimize the risks to him and your DD.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:30 PM on Dec. 7, 2009