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I have completely spoilt my son. Now what?

He is 6 years old and he ALWAYS gets his way. I know it's completely my fault, so save the speech, but now that I realized what I've done, I need help turning him back to normal!! His dad dies when he was two and I started always giving him his way then. I thought since he already lost his dad, he should have ANYTHING else he wanted. I was the kind of mom who would never say "no", punish, spank or yell. Now it's turning on me. He's out of control!!

Any ideas?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:10 AM on Dec. 8, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (5)
  • There is still hope at 6, show him who's boss, don't ever allow disrespect, children need structure and rules, it might be a battle but you are the responsible adult, reprimand with lots of love.

    Answer by older at 8:16 AM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • I can see how that can happen. My best friend's husband died when she was six months pregnant with their second. There are some things I think that would be different if their dad had lived. I can see the propensity to fall into that.

    I think that at six you can start to try to reason. I would get a poster board, sit down with your son and go over the rules you want him to follow. Write them all our on the board and hang it somewhere central. Explain what the consequences will be if those rules are followed- time out, take something away, whatever you decide. That way everything is very clear. Most importantly, you MUST be consistent. No second chances. Break a rule, then reap the consequences.

    You could do a rewards system. Make a chart that has all the days of the week. For each rule he follows that day, before bed, put a sticker on the appropriate day. If he gets all the stickers, say he can rent a movie or some reward.

    Answer by heatheryn at 9:25 AM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • have you considered family counseling? i know alot of people dont like this route but you can have one come TO your home to help you out....sometimes having another person around can help you out more than you realise...since they are professionals they can give you ideas like chore charts, award charts, and things like that...that way you can give your son goals and show him that not everything is handed to him...also be FIRM....i have problems with my 6yo with straightening up after herself...she doesnt think she has to...i was told to actually withold dinner or snacktime till they were done straightening up....i actually did it once and set out her food...all ready for her...and she wasnt allowed to touch it till she was done..she though i had been bluffing so for HOURS stalled...but once she saw i wasnt kidding when i wouldnt let her took her five minutes...and now i just mention it and she gets moving!

    Answer by blueeyedgrl2377 at 11:43 AM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • Get him grief counseling to start. Then get the book. "1 2 3 Magic" read it all the way through and then follow the techniques. It is a commonsense, no spanking approach to discipline. The techniques take the emotions out of discipline. It really works. Don't back down. He will thank you later for setting limits, rules and consequences. You can still spoil him, but do it with love. Treat him once in a while but don't give him everything he wants.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:00 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • sounds like you got some good advice there, my son's father and the only dad my daughter knew died when they were 18mos and almost 4. i can sympathize.

    Answer by mr2snafu at 9:54 PM on Dec. 12, 2009

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