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so I confronted my husband

On all his little lies, I told him that i have to question everything he says cause i never know when i'm getting the truth. he's say's he's gonna stop. but he said that last time. how can i live with a liar?

now he's just giving me the silent treatment. god I wish i had friends so i could have a day away from him to clear my head.

i don't know what to do anymore. what would you do?

Answer Question
 
Hali_Taylor

Asked by Hali_Taylor at 12:06 PM on Dec. 8, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Give him some time and then hold him to his word. Changes don't come overnight, remember he will have to work on it a little at a time, but don't allow backsliding. Call him on it immediately the next time you catch him in a lie.
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 12:08 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • Do you have family near by you could visit to clear your head? If not maybe you need a little get away. My ex husband was like that lied all the time cheated said he would change and never did. Im not saying your husband wont change. It is possible, he just has to be willing to really be truthful with you. People treat us how we allow them to treat us. If he continues to lie you have some decesions to make. Hang in there.
    okmommy08

    Answer by okmommy08 at 12:11 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • You do not have to have friends to get away for a while. Just go to the mall or to the movies. Go to a family members house if you live close by some.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 12:23 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • Stop questioning him, stop worrying about him and just go ahead and do your thing. Act like you don't care what he does or says (even if it kills you). I bet he'll start paying attention real soon.....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:50 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • Some men are just compulsive liars. It's just the way they are. I'm sure there is some disorder that causes it but not much you can do about it. I have a grandson like that. We just don't listen to crap he says. I realize that a dh is different than a grandson but it's the best we can do and accepting it as part of who they are is about the only thing I can think of to do. They won't change without professional help.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:12 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • No, anon, 1150, he won't pay attention.

    I was that liar you're describing. And I'm not afraid to admit it. DH had to question EVERYTHING I said, even if I wasn't lying. It had to do with the way I was brought up, and he demanded that I had to change or we weren't getting married. So, I re-learned how to communicate. A lot of times I lied wasn't because I just wanted to lie, it was because without thinking about what was coming out, I'd just give an answer to shut him up. (a trait I learned from my mom growing up, as I see now.) I knew it was wrong, but when he wouldn't confront it, I'd go on and not worry about it again.

    I don't feel like I was a bad person for it, but I did have to recognize it as a problem as things got worse and he would catch me in even the most STUPID of lies. Like whether or not I put gas in the car on my way home from work? Who cares? Why lie about that? It's not that I set out to LIE,
    cont
    matobe

    Answer by matobe at 1:15 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • I just did. And I did it without thinking about it.

    DH had had it with me, and I sought counseling, which enabled me to learn that this was the problem. After 4 visits with a psychologist, I quit seeing her, but every time I slipped up, I recognized it, and said, "No, I didn't mean that." and gave the correct response, what I should have given in the first place.

    He may just need a little coaching. I mean, you'll ultimately have to be the judge and determine whether or not he's doing it to be harmful, or if he just honestly doesn't know any different. He may even lack the motivation to change.

    PM me if you want to chat!
    matobe

    Answer by matobe at 1:18 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • I am married to someone like that and much of the time are where you are right now. I didn't know he was lying to me at first, we'd been married for months before I realized what was going on. It is everything from hanging out after work to what he tells his parents about our personal lives. Now I don't trust him on anything. I don't feel he cares about me and our children and it's changed the way I see him. I don't believe for one second that he doesn't mean to and confronting him does not work. I'm just trying to hang on until I can get a job and start saving my own money. Then I will have some ability to build a life for me and my children. I'm sorry to see someone else going through this. I don't have any answers, I just wanted you to know you're not alone.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:23 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

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