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Who do you choose... man or daughter??

Okay, if I don't make sense, feel free to ask questions. I'm a bit rushed since my kids will be home soon.

My sister has a 14 yr old daughter (and a 16 yr old son) with a man who she is divorced from. They live with their dad. My sister got with this man who her daughter hates. She says he touched her butt sexually and told her not to tell her mom. Problem is, she's a bit of a drama queen and she refuses to press charges on the guy but insists he did and wants her mom to not be with him. I have'nt room to type the whole story but in short, what would you do? The man or your daughter? Her daughter refuses to see her and is mean when they talk on the internet or phone saying how could she be with him and all... so.. what do you think?

Answer Question
 
Gremlyn

Asked by Gremlyn at 3:38 PM on Dec. 8, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 3 (15 Credits)
Answers (32)
  • I would never, ever in a million years choose a man over my kids. I don't care what the reasoning for my kids to not like him, they come first. So def the daughter.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:40 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • My babies come first ALWAYS! No question.
    kitten_shuga

    Answer by kitten_shuga at 3:41 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • Okay, noted. I'm going to show her all these responses because she was asking me, she's very confused... and I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard spot on the issue. :/
    Gremlyn

    Answer by Gremlyn at 3:41 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • My children always come first.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:44 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • My daughter will always come first, but you have to questions a child's motivation for saying something like that, true or untrue.
    mayas_mom

    Answer by mayas_mom at 3:48 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • My child comes before anything, but in this case, and with the info given it really sounds like she is making it up because she hates the guy! I still wouldnt be with a guy my kid hated enough to make things up about. What if they decide to marry? The girl will be miserable.
    amber710

    Answer by amber710 at 3:49 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • In a case like this, I say the DD should come first only because of the sexual nature of the boyfriend to the DD.. DD could be telling the truth or this is her ploy to get mom away from him, either way the relationship would suffer. However, at 14 there is not gonna be many men mom brings home she will like because they are not her father. If she likes the guy, she may feel she is betraying her father. So changes are she will make a fuss with any guy.. I would say that if mom dumps this guy and gets a new one and DD says the same thing or similar, its a ploy. I am all for children first, but a happy medium must be found between mom, DD and what ever man she has in her life. Mom should not however bring any man around until the relationship is serious.
    midnightmoma

    Answer by midnightmoma at 3:52 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • I would side with my daughter and caution. The girl should also know how wrong it is to falsely accuse someone of something like that. It could ruin someones life.  Its not unheard of for a girl to cry rape/molestation just to manipulate a situation.  On the other hand if I was the guy I would want nothing to do with either of them, especially if I was innocent.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:07 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • Has she spoken to her ex about it? These are his kids too.
    If I were in this situation then I would talk to my ex and ask him to talk to our daughter about it.
    Have him explain that we're not getting back together, that her mother deserves to be happy and that by her being the way she's being is cruel and hurtful.
    Maybe she's angry because her mom started dating and she's still holding out hope that her parents would get back together. Obviously since it's her mom that's dating, she's angrier at her so she's lashing out. Maybe if her dad spoke to her about it she wouldn't be so harsh.

    If that doesn't turn her around at all then I would just break up with the guy. My kids definitely come first but there has to be a limit as to how much her mother is expected to sacrifice, especially to someone who sounds like they wouldn't appreciate the sacrifices that are being made for her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:41 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • Is the man the kid's father? That is a very important question as to how I'd proceed.
    apexmommy

    Answer by apexmommy at 6:14 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

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