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Working moms-- Why do people assume that we'd rather stay at home?

I am a working mom and have been since my daughter was 11 weeks old. I never thought I'd do any differently and now that I have her, no I'd rather not stay home. I'm just not cut out for it. She gets excellent care (which I pay a shitload of $$ for) and I enjoy working and bringing in $$ and health insurance. I have career aspirations that are separate from being a mother. Some people don't understand this. They always say 'but if you could, you would stay home.' And I"m always like 'no, I wouldn't actually.' If you're a working mom, do you get this, too? It is perfectly natural for men to feel this way, but people don't seem to get that woman can, too.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:52 PM on Dec. 8, 2009 in Just for Fun

Answers (54)
  • Not too much, but I too do not want to stay home. Before I had kids I thought I would want to stay home, but working in the school system I get a taste of being a sahm over the summers, and I am always ready to head back when school starts. I find that I am a better mom when I get the break from them, some adult interaction.
    canadianmom1974

    Answer by canadianmom1974 at 4:54 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • Well when my first was born - I HAD to work
    Then when my 2nd was about 9 months old, DH told me I could stay home. I did. for 2 months and realized I wasn't cut out for it at that time.

    When my 3rd was born 18 months ago, I knew I wanted to stay home and I am a SAHM. Sometimes I miss working, but I know I am ready for it now when I wasn't 3 years ago.

    So I do understand completely :-)
    ratchetlee

    Answer by ratchetlee at 4:58 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • When I was a working mom I got that alot and i was quite happy working, i actually went back to work at one point because, i hated being home. I felt like i was wasting away.

    It all changed when my youngest turned 3, all of a sudden i felt i was missing something and now my goals have shifted, I will stay home till next year when she goes full days and then start my own Business. I never thought i was the SAHM type but sometimes it does change along the way.

    I understand what you mean about goals outside of being a mom, I still have those goals but they changed a bit over the years. I am sure it doesnt happen to everyone but for some of us we do change our minds.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:59 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • then why did you have a child, if you wanted a career? why have a child and let someone else raise her? it's one thing if you're a single mother, but it sounds like you value money and your corporate title, instead of the title of "mom!"

    by the way, I had a very healthy 6-figure salary and career, which I happily gave up when i was 33, in order to be a SAHM for 8 years. now that my younger child is in full-day school, i have gone back to work as a teacher (a completely different career path, and for about 1/8th the salary i previously earned), but it's no longer all about me, it's about my children and family, and my husband continues to earn the healthy 6-figure salary that we have lived off of, so there is no need for me to work that hard now.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:59 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • I work with most of my friends, so they were very happy I didn't quit!

    I have no regrets about working. It works great with my family.
    anng.atlanta

    Answer by anng.atlanta at 5:00 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • I am a working mother and I had to go back to work when my son was 2 months old. If I didn't go back to work we wouldn't be able to afford the bills. There are times when I wish I could have stayed home a little longer. But I also feel better being able to provide for what my child needs. I am not cut out to be Betty Homemaker. I like to cook but it's not always from scratch, I can't sew to save my life and my home isn't always the neatest in the land. But we do have a roof over our head, lights on and food in our stomachs. I work overnight that way I can still be home with our son, I don't sleep much, but this schedule works for both my SO and I.
    Cappy1979

    Answer by Cappy1979 at 5:02 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • SO having aspirations outside of motherhood is somehow valuing 'money or a corporate job' more than being a mother? That is ridiculous. I think many women go crazy because they live only by the title of 'mom.' They need their own lives. There is nothing more boring than a mom who goes on and on and on about her kids because she has no other life. Even kids don't like that sort of suffocating attention. I am proud to be a working mom. Being apart from my child 8 hrs a day does not constitute someone else raising them. Totally ridiculous! And no, I don't work for a 'corporation.' I will be proud when my daughter grows to see that being a mom doesn't mean giving up your life and career to raise a family. You can do both.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:03 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • I agree that it is a HUGE double standard against moms vs dads. No one questions if the dad continues working after a child, even if he makes less than his wife. How many SAHD's do you know? In 36 years I've met exactly one.

    No one ever asks a man "why did you have a child if you wanted a career?"
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:09 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • then why did you have a child, if you wanted a career? why have a child and let someone else raise her? it's one thing if you're a single mother, but it sounds like you value money and your corporate title, instead of the title of "mom!"

    Because I excel when I can do both. My 2 yo is in a great school learning social and mental skills that I don't have the patience to do day after day after day. She has a blast playing with her friends, and I get mental stimulation and appreciation from my day. We both come home happy at the end of the day, and we spend quality time catching up at night and on weekends. I don't let other people raise my child... I am sharing the load because I recognize they have different valuable things to offer.
    anng.atlanta

    Answer by anng.atlanta at 5:11 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • im a working mom, and i hate it!! LOL i am one of those people that would much rather be at home with my child, i just cant afford to. im a single mom, so i dont really have a choice!! i stayed home withher the first year, but then had to go back,,, she is in kindergarten now, fulltime, so i feel it isnt tooooooo bad...but.still i have a jon where my hours are all over the place..so theres some days where i take her to school, so i really only see her for 20-30 minutes in the morning, and then i start work at 2-3 and she will be in bed by the time i get home, so that part sucks...but..i do what i gotta do!!
    alexis_06

    Answer by alexis_06 at 5:11 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

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