Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

My husband and I want custody of his daughter. Anyone have any advise?

My stepdaughter is currently living with her mother but my husband and I want custody. We feel that she would be much better off living with us. We have much more stability than her mother has. She is constantly moving because she can't keep up with rent. She is always telling my SD that she can never see us again. She has been skipping school lately (she is in second grade) because her mother feels that she is smart enough and does not need to go to school all the time (her words). Her teacher just had a meeting with her mother (of course we were not told of this meeting until after the fact) because she has been having a hard time concentrating. Her mother wants to put her on meds for ADHD. We feel that she would be much better off living with us. Does anyone have any advice? I know that it is really hard for a father to get custody. There is no abuse (except verbally maybe), is this enough to persue custody??

Answer Question

Asked by MommyMadness09 at 6:18 PM on Dec. 8, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • Well if the mom is having her skip school because she doesn't think she needs to go all the time, that sends up red flags for me. And the fact the little girl can't concentrate, the teacher had a conference and the mom didn't bother to tell dad. Not good things at all. What else isn't she telling dad? If I were you guys, I might start the ball rolling and see about getting custody. She seems like she is in a bad situation that may get worse, especially if she's allowed or made to skip out on her schooling like that. If she can't concentrate it may not warrant meds, just a calm stable environment to live in. The school has records of her absences and you know for a fact she's not been sick. I'd talk to your DH and seriously consider persuing it.

    Answer by mom2BOYZnDad at 6:31 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • I have read that it is a myth that it is "more" difficult for the father to gain custody. After researchers studied single mother households, they discovered that the overwhelming incidence of mothers having custody is actually because fathers simply do not pursue the matter.

    I think the few things you stated here, if you can prove them, are enough for a court to strongly consider custody rights for you and your husband. If everything you feel is true, I sincerly hope you are successful....and quickly!

    Answer by TLALONDE16 at 6:47 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • I'd say good luck. It's hard to get a mother's children away from her if she's not physically abusing them or a major addict or something. I would try if you think that's what's best for the child and not what is easiest for your husband.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:22 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • I would have DH go to school and get a copy of her attendance records and keep track of EVERYTHING that you can Date Time Ectera of anything that you see that might be considered neglectful and or abusive even verbal abuse. It can never hurt to try if nothing else maybe You and DH will get more time with her to offset what is happening with SD mom. After all its whats best for the child you have to do everthing you can with in your means to fight for what is right...Just be prepared for life to get ugly once you get the process started and reassure SD that its not her fault and be POSITIVE no matter what about her mom in front of SD at all times.

    Answer by BaseballMom34 at 8:21 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • DH needs to establish himself as a present and interested party in his daughters education. He needs to (and take the custody papers that show joint custody) go to the school and let them know that he wants to know about any meeting and/or conferences. He should establish himself as a concerned, invovled parent the same way any of us would. Contacting the teacher personally, maybe an occasional e-mail on hey how is my dd doing, anything we should work on, I noticed....
    If there is online access (grades etc) he should make sure he has an account.
    The moving etc. may be not.... but excessive absences will sent up red flags and that could help him get more custodial time. Is she changing schools alot??? If so... may have a case on that side, to chang primary custody with liberal visisitation for mom b/c that way she'd stay in one school

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 8:56 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • I think we are only hearing your side of the story. It will take a lot for you to take the child from her mother. Just letting you know.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:52 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.