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What can I do to free us from this demon on the back of our marriage?

Why do my husband and i butt heads so often? We barely get to see eachother since he's in the Navy, but somehow the distance us still seems to only barely soften the tension between us. We use to have a lot of arguements and fights back when i was in my 1st trimester of pregnancy, and before that sometimes too. I grew up in a neighborhood so i turned out a bit too headstrong and sometimes mean as a defense method. My husband lived for the most part, in a completely different world. We've both changed but it's like there is some kind of grudge between us that i can't figure out. Please help

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Asked by buterfly_001 at 7:53 PM on Dec. 8, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (5)
  • Well, we are having the same problem. NOT A FIGHT UNTIL THIS LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP! I believe that is the only reason. One can figure out why the other is being selfish and we can't put each other in each other's shoes......Mine is an out of state worker, not military. But I really feel for all those who have loved ones over sea's, cause this sucks and he gets to come home.....

    Answer by racingmomma at 8:04 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • I know what you mean. My husband and I are fighting again tonight. He drains me. I can only suggest surround yourself with thought and contact with those who uplift you with your good knowledge of what's right and your beliefs. You can't order friends but you can put yourself in places where there's social without putdown. If husband's not with you comfort yourself in your time now and close your blinds lock up love who's there with you children or animals. Watch dvds that have made you laugh truly laugh with relaxed laughter. The longer my husband and I don't talk about our fights and stay apart we're better longterm. He's locked in the masterbedroom but it doesn't matter cause if he were out we'd just fight. Cocoa is hugging me and warming me. Hannah Montana is making me laugh. What makes you laugh? Find what, who makes you feel good and be with that. sigh. Prayers for rest for you momma. You're not alone at all.

    Answer by lfl at 8:06 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • its not safe to presume why your fighting so much, my fiance and i had what i like to call a "season". We fought once a week, for a long time, and it wasn't till we went away together without the kids for a week, and we talked about how far apart we've gotten,. What my fears were what his were, how much we love each other and want to work it out. We come to find out that we got so wrapped up in jobs, kids etc.. we saw that we were not spending time together like we used to. We never went out alone, cuddled under a blanket, had a quiet tea and just talked around the fire, went for walks.....the list went on.  So WE both said that's it! we have to find the time to LOVE each other again. The last 2 weeks we felt like we did when we first met, even the intimate part is on fire again. We see how strong we R.  Hug more,kiss more, hold hands,cuddle, touch each other as much and when ever you can


    Answer by EarthHippy at 8:25 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • If the fighting started before he left there seems like there may be a more serious problem than just him being gone. I guess it would be a good idea to take advantage of the time he's gone. You can think about what you really want from him and from the relationship. Define it and write to him when you figure it all out and tell him. If he has his laptop then you can "date" him again online and get close to him again. If he doesn't have computer access do it the old fashion way and write him snail mail. I'm sure he'd enjoy getting love letters from you and letters explaining how you feel. Sometimes writing is easier bc they don't get mad and change the subject. We get to say everything we want to say.

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:13 PM on Dec. 8, 2009

  • You need more than can be given in this forum. Marriage counseling. Yes, go on your own. Then go together when he returns.

    How long did you know each other before marriage? How much time together before he shipped out? Too often military men marry in hhaste due to the pressures of deployment. Is it possible that's what happened here?

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:06 AM on Dec. 9, 2009

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