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Do You Think It Enables? Or So You See It As Help?

What are your views?

[And no this isn't a bash on young mom cause i am one, nor to people who get PA and/or volunteer service.]
If you knew a girl who was 17 had 3 babies and was going on her fourth.[3 diff baby fathers, was with none of them]
And she was on PA, and had people come clean her house, and bring her food, and all of what not.

Would you see it as enabling her to keep doing what she was doing? [having babies without being able to support them?]

I know volunteer work is out of the goodness of peoples hearts and what not. But is there a point when this volunteer work becomes an enablement?

I know the kids need, food, clothes, shelter, But thats not what I mean in it.
I mean the mom.

Answer Question
 
Mitch_Gray37

Asked by Mitch_Gray37 at 2:52 AM on Dec. 9, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 4 (30 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • What a horrid story! Are the kids well cared for? Does the state have a workfare or welfare-to-work program?

    This make me sick to my stomach, on so many levels.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 5:58 AM on Dec. 9, 2009

  • wow, yes that is enabling.... how sad for her kids... so 3 kids at 17. how old was she when she had her first (like 14/15?? wow poor kid) why does she keep having more? and how do i get volunteers to come clean my house!
    AmaliaD

    Answer by AmaliaD at 7:49 AM on Dec. 9, 2009

  • Ordinarily I'd call this enabling, however the children deserve help, if not from the Mom than from the village. If you can't/won't help, don't hinder. The Mom can't do better until she knows better. Furthermore, if you ain't got something good to say about somebody, don't say nothing at all please. Don't get hung by your own tongue.
    Ewadun

    Answer by Ewadun at 8:47 AM on Dec. 9, 2009

  • I understand the concern. It's a tough line. You don't want to help the mother, but you don't want to see the children suffer. They are the innocent ones here. But by helping the children you enable the mother. My cousin was much the same. Not as young, but having many kids she couldn't afford. We help the kids anyway but never the parents. But I know as long as we take care of the kids, they can waste their money elsewhere (and the do!). Where do you draw the line?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:20 AM on Dec. 9, 2009

  • wow...yeah that would be enabling her and encouraging her to continue the way she's going.

    if they got in there and helped her, showed her HOW to do it, and how to better her situation with education and whatnot - make her do it herself with some guidance and prodding.

    happened with my BILs girlfriend - 16 pregnant ha ha oops. everyone did everything for her, then they had #2 and OH MY GOD.....no one has done ANYTHING for her she's not 'enjoying' this mommy thing anymore because she has to do it herself. it was cute and fun when everyone was doing things and buying stuff for her now reality has sunk in that its not a game to have kids its a serious responsibiity.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:13 PM on Dec. 9, 2009

  • Yes, it is enabling. How did she get to that point in her short life---what were her parents doing? They were enabling too by not helping her with knowledge of the mistakes she was making, not providing her with informatuion about birth control. Oh, what am I saying?> They are probably so dumb they think it is really nice that they have three grandchildren. @@ It is just horrible that a 17 year old is a mother and living off government assistence and the well-meaning volunteers. It sucks. Volunteers are so naive and theydon't realize they are being USED.
    Lindalu2

    Answer by Lindalu2 at 2:10 PM on Dec. 9, 2009

  • Well, back when I lived in the same town, I would help.

    Her parents are addicts. [saw them once, made sure that was the last time...]

    Well, Since I've moved, I can't go help.
    The story I got told through the grapevine about the first child was she was with a guy and they were doing good,
    but the guy's family didn't accept her cause shes a different race.
    And the second one, was also that guys.
    When she was pregnant with the second, the guy got killed. [drug deal gone bad. that's all i know//was told]
    That's when I started helping.
    Cause she was a wreck..
    Well I helped with little things,
    [watching them so she could shower and clean up the house herself, feeding one while she fed the other.]

    Thats when we moved.
    So I send some money to help buy the cleaning supplies and some food.

    I recently went to see her, to find out how she is.
    And this is what i found about.
    Mitch_Gray37

    Answer by Mitch_Gray37 at 9:12 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • The reason I'm asking is i now feel like I'm just an enabler.
    I feel like I should stop helping,
    but I would never do that to a kid that needed help.
    I almost want to say I'll stop paying for that, and take her and get her some BC.

    But since My DH started school again, we're strapped.

    Idk, what I'm going to do.
    But this is unacceptable to me.
    I'm kind of angry no one let me in on the current situation.
    I want to help the situation as in the children, not enable her.



    Ewadun
    I don't know what you're talking about me hindering,
    and getting hung up on my tounge.
    It was a question.
    Not a bash,
    I'm a young mother, I volunteer, But I Take Care Of MYSELF.
    If you don't have advice then just don't reply. Si
    Mitch_Gray37

    Answer by Mitch_Gray37 at 9:35 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • Simple Enough.
    Mitch_Gray37

    Answer by Mitch_Gray37 at 9:36 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

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