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How do you get over an emotional affair?

This is not going to be an easy thing for me to talk about, but I need help and advice from anyone who has gone or is going through this. I have been talking to an old coworker online for the past five months. I have known him for almost 10 years, but hadn't seen him in seven years. Almost immediately into our "chatting," he started getting flirty. The conversations turned into, "I miss you," "I want to see you," etc. Both he and I are married (which doesn't help my guilt factor). I had a friend tell me that he was a snake, and all he wanted was sex (which he didn't get), but I said, "no, he really cares for me." I met him for lunch a week ago. Nothing happened. A few hugs, that's it. I then met him after work and left him with a few more hugs. I haven't heard from him since. The not knowing what happened is killing me. Granted, we needed to end this, but if he cared so much, why did he just disappear? Ideas?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:18 PM on Dec. 9, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • My only advice is just to let it go... walk away NOW. If you feel emotions and continue to see each other you are setting it up to go further. One of my friends is going through this right now... first it was 'we're just friends. We like to chat. We're attracted, but it's not going to happen.' Of course, now she is sleeping with the guy... in her view 'it just happened.' The fact that she has three kids and he has three kids and a pregnant wife makes this an absolutely awful situation for a lot of innocent people. I've told her this, but she's got to make her own decisions and right now she is making a bad one. Walking away is better... yes, you have some unresolved questions but that's far easier to live with than serious regrets!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:25 PM on Dec. 9, 2009

  • He disappeared. Because he knew after the seconds meeting you where not going to have sex with him.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 3:29 PM on Dec. 9, 2009

  • Thank you so much for your advice. This whole situation is a mess, and I was warned by so many people. But, I always look for the good in people, and believed that he really did care for me. I just don't get it. I would rather he text me and say, "We can't do this anymore," then just disappear. I agree with your "unresolved questions and serious regrets" comment. It just hurts so bad. I'm not the type of person to get tangled up in affairs. I just don't understand how a guy who repeatedly told me that he "missed me" and "cared for me" and "didn't want to lose me as a friend," could do this. :( I miss him, but I think I miss the person I thought he was. I don't miss the person he turned out to be. Now it's just picking up the pieces and getting my life back in order. Which is harder than I thought it would be...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:36 PM on Dec. 9, 2009

  • Louise is right...He knew he wasnt gettin any! Really though what would a married man want with you? No offense but he already has the wife. Now he just wants something on the side. A new piece of ass! In my opinion, a married man trying to hook up with me is a turn off! I dont play second best! If he or you are unhappy in your marriage, get out of it.
    MLM0503

    Answer by MLM0503 at 3:38 PM on Dec. 9, 2009

  • He disappeared. Because he knew after the seconds meeting you where not going to have sex with him.

    _____
    BINGO!
    2princesnaKing

    Answer by 2princesnaKing at 3:51 PM on Dec. 9, 2009

  • I know what you're going through...it is so hard to not have that final closure from someone you had feelings for. I'm the same way I try to the see the good in people, I believe they are sincere. The person I was with said all those same things, but our relationship changed when I left my family, he had a new game, he still missed me but only when it was convenient for him, he wouldn't return my calls or txt msgs for days, when he had time to see me for a quickie. After 4 wks later I ended it, he didn't even respond. 3 months later he blew up my phone w/15 phone calls in an hour, I didn't answer or talk to him after that. I assume he thought things must have calmed down and I'd have forgotten what I said. Its been 5 months and I still want to know what changed, I never will and it does hurt. Some days are better than others, it just takes time. I'm sorry your hurting, in the long run you'll be better w/out him
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 3:56 PM on Dec. 9, 2009

  • OP, why are you hurting over someone other than your husband? Im sorry but i do not feel any sympathy for you at all. I think you need to reevaluate your priorities. Do you want to stay in your marriage or do you want out? That is what you should be thinking about or else you will loose both.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:57 PM on Dec. 9, 2009

  • "I miss you" is code for "I miss having somewhere to park my johnson"
    "I want to see you" is short for "I want to see you naked"
    "I really care for you" is code for "I really am horribly desperate"

    I'm sorry men are shitheads, but there you have it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:52 PM on Dec. 9, 2009

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