Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Was I wrong to be hurt by SIL comments?

My DH is going overseas for a job. He has wanted to go since he first started working at the company he's at, and there are now several openings. I don't want him to go, but I am his wife, and I support him in his decision. We talked about it in depth and now its going to happen. This will be good for us even though its going to suck. (He keeps telling me this) I've been doing okay with the idea until tonight when I talked to my SIL. She has a way of speaking to people (even to her mother)that comes off rude & condescending. She told me out of the blue that it was a "dumb idea" and that "people can do other things." She also told me that we could put our kids in daycare so I could work. I realize its her brother and she doesn't want him to go, but there was no need to imply that if I worked he wouldn't "have" to go overseas. My feelings are hurt, but I haven't said anything to her about it. So should I leave it alone?


Asked by Anonymous at 12:48 AM on Dec. 10, 2009 in Just for Fun

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • She sounds like she's being more than a little snarky, but unfortunately it won't help anything by letting it get to you, especially w/ him gone. Easier said than done b/c I've got "fun" in-laws too, lol. I don't if she personally meant it, but maybe she's just got a "witchy" personality. It's also possible she didn't realize how hurtful she was being. Not a definite, but possible I guess. I'm sorry ya'll are stuck right now, & no, putting your kids in daycare would more that likely just "eat up" whatever paycheck you DID bring hm. DH & I are in a similar situation as far as childcare goes, so I feel you on that one. Ya'll are making a HUGE sacrifice for yourselves & your children & I'm proud & happy for ya'll that ya'll can do this. Too many people think it's SO EASY to be a SAHM, but in reality it's like having 2 or more jobs @ the SAME EXACT TIME!!! Lol. Good Luck to ya'll, & thoughts for your sanity, & his safety....

    Answer by Pipersmom2006 at 4:21 AM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • Wrong, no, but apparently the way SIL acts isn't personal. You can either shrug these things off or bring it up at the time, "I'm hurt that you would suggest I am forcing dh to take this job; we discussed this at length and feel it is for the best." You could also let your dh know that you feel she blames you and maybe he would talk to her about why the decision is mad.

    Answer by happytexasCM at 12:53 AM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • (cont'd)...My SIL is constantly telling other people what they "need" to do with their lives. But don't even try to disagree with her choices. That's one reason I hate holiday gatherings at the in laws. She talks to people like they are idiots. As if we haven't discussed every aspect of this before he decided to go. This is going to be really hard on us, but I'm trying to think positive. I talked to my kids school counselor about it, and she said the boys will be watching to see how we all react to it. I want to cry, but I'm not going to do that. Maybe she's being rude because I haven't been emotional in front of anyone???

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:54 AM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • I would nip this one in the bud and say something to her. If she blames you for him going, that sort of sentiment will fester and continue to come up while he is gone. She needs to understand that this was his decision and that you are supporting him, and so should she.

    Answer by Danielle720 at 12:54 AM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • I'd do my best to ignore her--you're supporting your husband in his goal and she probably just doesn't see that this is a goal for him, not something he's doing out of necessity. Best of luck :)

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:55 AM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • I have annoying in-laws and moved away from them a year ago. Can I say BLISS! You will learn that you can not always confide your feelings or thoughts to the in-laws. Yes they say they love you, yes they say you are part of the family but when it comes down to it, your an in-law. Sometimes the best opportunities involve taking some risks. I think its wonderful you are supporting your husband's dreams. Can you go with him? Living abroad can be an exciting experience. When you feel low or unsure, confide in a friend.

    Answer by novgirl at 12:56 AM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • No, I can't go with him. He's going somewhere in Iraq and we have three kids. One of which will be 6 months old on Christmas. We know its going to be extremely difficult, but we love each other and we want to be able to send our kids to college. No job around here would pay near enough for that. He's taking a huge risk, and he knows it puts all the responsibilities here on me. We are both doing what we have decided to do. I just wish SIL would, you know, worry, be sad, whatever, but not blame or say he's stupid. She has no idea what goes on here.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:01 AM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • Let it go since she is generally arrogant and rude. With your husband away, you may not have to see her as often anyway.

    Answer by tiggermom803 at 1:32 AM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • Personally I would just let it go. We get those kinds of comments all the time from family members with my husband being in the military and deploying. My grandfather tells my DH he's stupid for enlisting during wartime everytime we see him. But if this is something that is really going to knaw at you, talk to your DH about it, and let him handle his sister.

    Answer by cassie_kellison at 2:43 AM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • Let it go. I don't think she meant to attack you or blame you. I think she's thinking of how frustrated you must be without DH and how the kids must miss their dad. It's easy for her to give her opinion since that's how she feels, but this is YOUR family and you and DH made the decision that's best for YOUR family. Are you feeling like you should be working to keep him home??

    Answer by Vero0724 at 3:02 AM on Dec. 10, 2009