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I am such an awful mother but i want to be better

I am 24 i have been married for 4 years and i love my husband very much and i love my daughter but i am a terrible mother. I have never felt a very strong connection to my daughter. I don't want to play with her because i hate kids stuff. I love her and i love my husband and i don't want to leave I am just miserable. I take very good care of her she is well fed i give her a bath everyday i tell her i love her i sing her songs but i hate it. I don't enjoy it at all. And whenever i try to talk to DH about it he gets upset and tells me that if i want to leave i should just go but what he doesn't understand is that i want to be here. I want to be better. I WANT to ENJOY being with her. I feel like i am losing it. So please if you can help me at all I need it.

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Asked by Anonymous at 5:26 AM on Dec. 10, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (12)
  • Oh i guess i didn't really phrase that as a question so i probably should just in case they try to delete it. Does anyone have any advice for me?

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:28 AM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • Honesly, it sounds like you are depressed. I am sorry that your husband does not understand. You should really see a therapist; you can ask you doctor for a referral.

    Answer by rkoloms at 5:41 AM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • Go to your doctor, you sound depressed.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:42 AM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • I have been to the doctor and i am on anti depresents (have tried 3 different ones) still haven't found one that help did therapy 2 times a week for six months with no progress. I quit going because we have pretty bad insurance and i only had two doctors i could go to tried both and they both sucked just wanted to give me medicine and then talk about the medicine. It was horrible. Thanks though but i guess i am looking for home treatment options.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:49 AM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • Start off by getting some books on what you are going through. It could be related to missing your life before you got married and pregnant. Read up on it, search the internet, write in a journal. You have to figure out the root of the problem before you can solve it. Your mind is a powerful thing, if you want to be a better mother bad enough, you WILL be.
    Good luck and there are people out there going through the same thing, look for a community online.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:59 AM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • First, I think you are doing the right thing by seeking help and I think you should continue to work with your doctor to find a treatment that works.

    Second, just because you don't enjoy being wacky and doing kids stuff doesn't make you a bad mother. You are her mother, not her best friend. Some moms play with their kids - and that's great - but not everyone is the same. Your daughter will enjoy just about any time you spend with her. Try to figure out what you DO enjoy doing and see if you can make it a kid friendly experience. If you like shopping, take her with you. As you browse the stores just talk to her - ask her if she likes different things, talk about why you don't like them, whatever you would say to a shopping buddy. The point is that you don't have to try to be someone that you are not in order to be a good mother. Your child wants YOU not a wacked out Barney version of you.

    Answer by beckcorc at 6:55 AM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • Cont.

    There are lots of things that you can do with your child that are not necessarily "kid's things" to do. She'll learn that some things she can do with Mommy and somethings she has to do alone or with her friends.

    When my nephew was about 2 or 3 (he lived with me at the time) he always wanted me to play with his Hot Wheels with him. Of course I can't stand playing Hot Wheels, it's so boring! So finally I just told him "If you want to play with me we have to play something we'll both enjoy, if you want to play Hot Wheels then you can play alone. You don't need me for that game." So we would do art projects together, we would play tag outside, or we'd bake something in the kitchen.

    Find something you enjoy and try to share that with your daughter, instead of trying to re-learn how to like Barbies when you maybe didn't even like them that much in the first place.

    Answer by beckcorc at 7:00 AM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • It was never easy for me to be that goofy mom that always was making faces & silly noises at their baby. I just wasn't one to do that. I would talk to my baby like she was an! The Dr. said that was not such a bad thing though, because baby talk can inhibit late or altered speach in children.

    Besides that, some people are just not "baby" people. You may find that when your child gets a lil older & you can have direct conversation with her, that your realtionship will get better with her because you can commicate better with her. I have a friend who had a really hard time w/ both her kids when they were really young, she was just so much better with older kids than she was with younger kids. And when her kids got older, she WAS able to communicate better with them & create a wonderful relationship with her kids.

    You need a hobby. Get out of the house 1-2 times a week JUST FOR YOU! This will really help.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:02 AM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • I would speak with your hubby. It does sound like you are suffering from depression - possibly postpartum depression. There is no shame in it, and I commend you for seeking help!

    God Bless!

    Answer by RutterMama at 9:09 AM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • Sometimes it takes a long time to find a medicine that works for you. Don't give up. But I would continue to try and find somewhere you can get counseling. Good luck!

    Answer by wilesmomma at 9:56 AM on Dec. 10, 2009

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