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Where do the responsibilities of the "step-parent" stand after the parent passes away? My newly turned 9yr old girl lost her dad 8/09. She became very attached to the new wife, I was very pleased that she was so loving and open with my kids. However, since her daddy passed away she wants to know if she is still her step-mom and still loves her? I have tried many time to reach out to her, no reply. We had a very good relationship. Where do the "step-parent" responsibilit

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Gina0127

Asked by Gina0127 at 9:30 AM on Dec. 10, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (5)
  • This would be a great question for a family counselor. I would think the step-mother will be moving on with her life. Hopefully she will continue with the positive relationship with your child but what would you do? Are there other children involved with this family so she has step sisters and brothers. The more connections, the apt she may be to stay involved. Not sure what I would do. I would think your daughter would be a connection to the deceased spouse and would bring positive memories. But with a divorce and now a death? It is very hard on children and they need and crave security. I'd seek out some advice from a professional family counselor to be sure your child is given the tools to handle it all.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:39 AM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • Wow that is hard on your girl! Its like she lost 2 people in her life. If you are reaching out and the step-mom isnt responding then you cant do anything about it. You just have to be honest with your daughter and tell her that you will try to contact stepmom but that she may really be hurting right now and she needs some time to herself. Tell her you dont know what the future holds as far as their relationship but you would hope to keep her in your lives. Maybe you can let your dd write her some letters and see if she responds, she can make her a Christmas card. I bet it is too hard for the woman to see your dd now cause it makes her think of her loss.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 9:41 AM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • i would try to remain friends with the step mom if the step mom would like to do that...tell her how much your daughter loves her and that you would like to have her around
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 9:42 AM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • It sounds like she is not returning your calls etc,,, I would just go over to her house, without your DD, and ask if you could talk for a bit, she lost her husband, and probably DD reminds her of everything,, I had another thought--did DH have a will? Is there money involved in this? I know it sounds callous, but if so, maybe she thinks that is what you want IDK--I am sorry for your and your DD"S loss, good luck!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 10:01 AM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • wow ladies, never expected such a quick response.!!! Thank you!!

    Yes, I did tell her that ..........."I" thought she must be as sad as you are, and she just probably needed some time to get herself back together.

    I live in Penn, USA..............They (ex and step mom), lived in Cayman Islands, Step mom buried him down there in Caymans, and then moved back to her family home in Canada....................(?)
    My children never had closure, so its very hard for them...........perhaps one day she will contact us and we can work it out.
    Thank you all again on your quick responses
    Gina
    Gina0127

    Answer by Gina0127 at 10:29 AM on Dec. 10, 2009

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