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My fil got married on Thanksgiving and didn't even tell his children! What's the appropriate response?

We found out because his mother (myDH's Grandma) asked us about it thinking we knew. Why do you suppose they didn't tell us?
We've been nothing but supportive of FIL's fiance even if she has been a real witch to DH's sister. We have always figured his sis can be a real witch herself and his fiance has always been pretty nice to us - yes has made a few off-color comments, but, no one is perfect and she makes FIL happy - so we have always been very nice to her.

Should I send a congratulations card or ask DH to call and congratulate them or should we keep it on the DL that we know until they tell us? I mean they obviously did not tell Grandma not to tell anyone or she wouldn't have told us, and Grandma and all of us lost Grandpa a few months ago so I don't think they would dare yell at her.

I am baffled a bit about what to do in a situation like this as I have never encountered anything like it! lol

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:26 AM on Dec. 10, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Just congratulate them.


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:30 AM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • congrats, I guess....we would have liked to have been there?
    maybe they just didn't want to tell anyone or burden anyone with coming or anything

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:32 AM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • My MIL did the same thing. Her and her husband were engaged forever, almost to the point of having to wonder if they'll ever finally get married. We thought we were just going to a normal family get together, (all 4 of her kids plus their families, her brothers and their wives) and were surprised with the big news. They got married on a kayaking trip. Their friend they were going with performed the ceremony and the witnesses were just acquaintances. They reasoned that their marriage vows were just between them and God, and they didn't want to go through the stress of his family wanting them to do it in their town, her family wanting it in our town, either way some people would have to travel 180ish miles. They ended up pulling up their kayak's on a random bank, and got married.


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:57 AM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • They also organized a family get together in his town with his family.

    Maybe they're just waiting for the right time to surprise the family?


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:57 AM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • There is nothing you can do. Just accept it and move on. I am 25 years old. Two years ago, my father confessed to us that he has two kids 12 and 14 from a mistress. Here is the kicker though, he also married the mistress(which was part of his confession). Talk about shocking and speechless.(He married in his home country, but him and my mom are still legally married here in U.S, their divorce will be final this month). Life sucks, you just have to live your own and be happy.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:01 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • OP here) oh! if it sounds like I'm/we are upset they got married in secret, we're not! It's romantic they can do whatever. I don't care.

    I just don't know why they haven't told us yet .. maybe they intended to tell us at xmas.. but now that we KNOW they got married I don't know if Grandma will tell them we know - and then they'd be like "why no congrats or calls or anything boy you are rude" or if she doesn't tell them and we say congrats out of no where I'm just a tiny bit afraid FIL's strange wife will get irritated with Grandma. She's done things already that are really not appropriate.. like get uber ticked that MIL was at Grandpas burial and then she refused to come to the wake because MIL was gonna be there.

    So I just don't want to step on this woman's toes since she is so sensitive about things.

    I guess I'll send a card of congrats and hope she has enough sanity within her not to get irritated.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:22 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • Send the card just to be on the save side.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:34 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

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