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Why do some SAHMs pass the comment 'Working moms let someone else raise thier kids'?

I come across this statement a lot. How is leaving a 2yr old kid at day care that different from sending your 3 yr old to pre-school or sending your 5 yr old to regular school? Is it because the 2yr old is few years younger or is it because the kid is at day care a few hours more?
My kid goes to day care 10-5 but I still teach her everything I should, I spend the weekends and holidays engaging her completely. I am the one instilling the morals and goods and bads. Does raising a kid only mean taking care of her chores for the few extra hours?
Not everyone works for pleasure, its a necessity to many. So why do SAHMs make them feel guilty?

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:22 PM on Dec. 10, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (253)
  • Because most of them ARE letting someone else raise their child! If your child is spending the majority of their waking hours with someone else then I'd consider that being raised by someone else. A lot of children with FT working moms spend 9-10 hours a day with strangers. A kid in preschool spends about 9 hours a WEEK with others and school age children are only in school for what? 6 hours a day?

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:25 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • It isn't an option for us not to send my son to daycare but I get told that a lot too on CM. Its sad really. My son loves to play with the kids at the Center he goes to and he's in the class with all the same age learning at the same pace and he will hopefully only ever go there til he goes to school. To each their own, but there are tons of mom's who try to judge.. I came on here to get support so its hard to watch other mom's BASH so much!

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 4:27 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • Its a stupid comment. Working moms still teach their children things, they care for them when they are sick, they provide for them. Im a SAHM.

    Answer by armywife2009101 at 4:28 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • 1st -- How many SAHM's do you know that send their 3 year old to pre-K? A pre-K that accepts 3 year olds is just a glorified daycare. I know very few full time SAHM's that would even send their 4 year old to pre-K. The only exception would be a private pre-K that only ran half days a few days a week.

    2nd -- Dumping your infant or toddler off for 8 or more hours a day IS allowing someone else to raise your child. Sticking your head in the sand and getting all mad and bent out of shape at those of us who make sacrifices to stay at home with our kids does not change the facts.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:32 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • Do SAHMs make working moms feel guilty or do working moms just feel guilty. There are multiple influences in raising kids.

    Not all SAHMs send their kids to pre-school. Some of us even homeschool.

    Answer by Gailll at 4:34 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • am sham and my siters are working moms. do i like beign a sahm hell no!! i can waitt to get a job isjust so hard to find one.
    i dint gropw up thinking i was going to be sahm things happen in my life that made me have to be a sahm, i dont regret thetime i sepnd with my kids at home. but being a sahm is not for me am wiating for my ds to turn one and am going to work part time. 3 days a week and oince both of them are in school full time i will be working full time. both my sistersare great moms i dont feel any better cuz am sahm.

    Answer by piwife at 4:48 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • I'm a SAHM and a certified teacher and would never send my kids to pre-k. I think kids aren't ready for a structured social environment that early and most pre-k's just exist in order to make things more convenient for working parents. My DD is 3 and already knows all of the math, reading, and writing that she would have learned in pre-k next year, so there is no educational need for pre-k.

    I think that the comment that someone else is raising your children bothers working mothers so because they feel guilty for leaving their babies and toddlers in daycare.

    Working moms say all sorts of rude things about SAHM's here on CM, but those type of comments don't bother me because I know I'm doing what's right for my kids and my marriage.

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 4:51 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • My mom was a working mom with my brother and then a SAHM with me. She told me that some of the care situations she put him in seemed good but she'd drop in on them unexpectedly and things that were not right would be going on - so she'd pull him and change daycares and finally had a family friend take care of him because she was 100% reflective of her care. She said being a SAHM is easier you are totally sure your baby/toddler/pre-k is being treated right. BUT

    I don't think working mom's should feel guilty because someone else is taking care of their child out of necessity.. but if it's not necessary maybe she'd be a really mean mom/angry person with her kids all day. *shrug* I figure as long as the care situation your child is in, is 100% reflective of your own care and are loving/affectionate, then who cares if someone else IS raising your kid for part of the day? They're raising them similar to you.

    I'm a SAHM

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:59 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • Because they do. I also help out at the school as much as I can. How many of you working moms are at home everyday when your kids get home from school and are in full kid mode, not wow I had a stressful day at work mode.
    I have considered homeschooling, but I like the extras school can provide.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:00 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • I own the group Working Moms here on cafemom.
    We do not make fun of or say bad things about sahm's.
    Most of us work because we have to.
    From time to time someone will say that their sahm makes them feel guilty for working and then some say sahm's are miserable at home.
    It does not matter anyones opinion, we do what we have to do to provide for our familes. I am not getting speeding tickets dropping my kids off at school. I have 7 kids ranging 4 to 21 and was a sahm and now a full time wm and there are no difference in any of my kids. They are JUST FINE.
    No different than what church you go to or what type of chips you eat, someone is always going to run their mouth and mainly to make them feel better.

    Answer by JLynn0871 at 5:05 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

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