Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

To Send Or Not To Send

Finally got hubby to confess to affair with former neighbor/close friend 8 years ago just before we moved. He continued to lie about when it started (I was 5 months pregnant), how long it lasted (18 months), etc. When I threatened to call her for her side, he called her to cover for him (she asked to see him again!/he said no). Instead she called to say he had an affair before her that resulted in a son. Affair is true/Son is not his. (In process of dealing with HIM, totally seperate issue) however, feel like I need closure with HER. He never formally told her it was over (actually called her 2 years after we moved to see her twice). Since we've moved, she got pregnant by other affair, divorced, lost other 2 kids, ex remarried, been arrested for DUI & bad checks. Want her to know I know. Do I send letters (from HIM formally ending it and denouncing her & from me so I can rub it in her face) or not? What would you do?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 4:55 PM on Dec. 10, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • Your problem is not with her... it is with your husband. Focus on that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:57 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • I would just cut all ties and move on. The best revenge is a good life. Just go on and be happy and dont worry about her life.

    Answer by ria7 at 4:58 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • Write a letter to her and burn it. I find that helps. It;s not going to do no good. Shes not going to tell the truth and neither is he. Don't give her the satisfaction of letting her know you are hurt. She will win if you write her and rub things in her face.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:01 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • I agree don't send it... whats the point now? and BTW whats up with your husband?? you really need to think about that relationship.. im sorry but he sounds like a jack ass.

    Answer by maybebaby83 at 5:56 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • dont send it, you do not know her or her life and what she has been through.. my husband had an affiar and i talked to the woman,, she wasnt a bad person.. sometimes thing happen... i do not believe that you should anyway be cruel to her unless she did something personnaly to you ..

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:16 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • The point is that it is over between them two right? So, you are just pulling at strings here. If she didn't tell you about the affair while it was happening then she didn't care, and hun, she doesn't care right now. You would just be inviting her back into your life...and what purpose would be served by letting her know that you know about the affair; nadda!!! Your problem should be with your husband, not this woman. Obviously this woman has her own problems if she is messing around with a married man and you don't need her problems in your life. There is no point in contacting this woman. What will you gain out of it? nothing. You won't feel any better about the situation. You need to get it off your chest, trust me I understand that, but just write her a letter and burn it like someone said. I did that for years after I learned of my then husband's affair. You won't gain anything from trying to rub it in her face...

    Answer by AWomansMind at 6:33 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.