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Grandma told me to be racist

So my 4 year old daughter tells me that she doesn't like a girl in her pre-k. I asked her why and she tells me that its because she is black!!!WTH?

Racism has never been an issue in our house. I asked her why she doesnt like "black people?" She says because grandma told her that she shouldn't! My mom has always been racist but how dare she fill my 4 year old daughter full of hate! I spent an hour trying to convince my daughter that her grandma is wrong. Before grandma she never saw anyone in "color," they were just people. I don't know what to do??


Asked by Anonymous at 5:28 PM on Dec. 10, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Great responses so far. My dd's 1/2 & 1/2 & I'm interested to see how others perceive her as she enters the world (she's 7mo now). Kids do notice the differences between them & others so its great to have this conversation w/ her now @ 4. Talk to her about how ppl come in different colors, sizes, handicaps, etc & that's okay, that's what makes them unique, if everybody was the same it would be really boring. Talk to her about accepting others that are different than her & enjoying their differences. Talk to your mom & tell her to shut her racist ass up especially around your daughter. How dare she fill your dd's head w/ such poision. If either of our mother's ever....

    Answer by Nyx7 at 6:07 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • damn thats fucked up. maybe you should try and invite this girl thats black from her class over for dinner or for a play date so that your daughter can realize she doesnt really not like her and that there both just people.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 5:32 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • ditto

    Answer by youngmom2004 at 5:35 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • I would be so angry. I don't think I would allow my daughter around her anymore without third party supervision, if at all.

    Talk to her teacher about it and see what you can come up with together. It's NOT your fault. Just explain what her grandmother did and come up with a friendship plan. Thankfully a 4 yr old will be pretty easy to fix.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:39 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • I think what is so hard about that is that now you have a child who has learned that some adults say and do things that mom doesn't agree with--- and not just strangers!

    That's a very young age to try to figure out who is in line with your family values and who isn't. I still can't figure adults out and I'm almost 30!

    You need to have a serious chat with grandma. I think grandma needs to say something in this one. Maybe, "Grandma and Mommy have different opinions. Do you know what that means?" Then maybe explain that DD gets to make opinions too and that she can always ask mommy for help when she doesn't understand something a grown up says.

    Answer by ecodani at 5:39 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • I would have a fit. My son's best friend is half black. He is almost 4 and they discuss their differences (crazy). They know he is darker skinned and my son is lighter, but they never let that be an issue because the moms don't! I would have a chat with my mom!

    Answer by Becki1979 at 5:43 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • OMG I would be sooooo irate!!

    Just keep reminding her that you don't accept what Grandma said and that's not how 'nice' people act. And then explain to your mom in no uncertain words just how unacceptable you find it and that you never expect to hear that again...ever!

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:51 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • You honestly don't know what to do? Try telling your mother to let you parent your own child. If she can not respect your wishes, cut off contact. I mean, if you truly want to instill values in your child. Up to you.

    Answer by babycakes254 at 6:18 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • I handled my mom, she was living with us and I told her to leave. my issue is with my daughter and getting her head straight.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:25 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • My parents are like this...that is why they never spend time with my son. We are raising him to be tolerant of other people. Good luck and know that I know what you are going through. My dad make a racist remark toward our president at Thanksgiving and we promptly left!

    Answer by Mom2Just1 at 7:27 PM on Dec. 10, 2009