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Would it be wrong?

Ever since meeting my husband I've stopped working b/c he took care of me and when we got married I was a SAHW. We now have 2 girls. ok, we had a fall out earlier this year and I didn't think we would make it. Instead of sulking I started preparing myself for a future as a single mom. I finished my associate degree (stopped when I met him) and am currently working on my bachelor's. I decided what I wanted to do w/ my career and I know I can't accomplish it where we live (we live in a small town in the south). I want to move back up north where we are originally from so that I'd have a better chance in my field (marketing). He's comfortable here living the average life and I'm not anymore. My eyes have seen the light! lol I want to leave and better myself and he's free to come, but I'd leave w/ or w/o him. Is that being selfish?FYI, I didn't know he wanted this type of life. (con'td)


Asked by Anonymous at 6:18 PM on Dec. 10, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • I think it is out of line to say she is selfish. She is one of the first people her children will have a relationship. She is a very important role model. It isn't wise to teach children to 'suck it up' and make do with a life that does not work for you. We do live in a world that promotes being more selfish and that isn't a good thing bc people need eachother and we all need to be looking out for eachother, most importantly our families and it is true that you have to put things on hold for a while when you decide to have a family. However, you put things aside that are hobbies, dreams of doing something that is fun, like traveling. You don't work at a dead end job and stay in a crappy town to prove to yourself and your family that you love them. You show them what you are worth. You love yourself and them enough to want better opportunity. Showing them it is possible to have both is important. Don't settle but ....

    Answer by IzzeAddy at 8:59 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • We both had big dreams in the beginning and he just grew comfortable. What should i do?

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:18 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • I think, only you can decide if it would be wrong or not. I don't know enough about your husband or your relationship to really have a balanced opinion about this. And what about your husband's relationship with your girls? I think you need to talk to him about how you feel and see what he says.

    Answer by moniquinha at 6:33 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • You're going to get a lot of responses from moms here that are going to say "good for you," "put yourself first," "follow your dreams," etc. So, I know my view won't be popular.

    You're on this site, which is for moms, so I know kids are involved in this situation. I thinks it's horribly selfish to be so flip about possibly disolving a marriage for your own personal wants. You put your dreams and aspirations on hold for a while too (your husband isn't the only one at fault here). Now you are married and have kids involved and you need to put your focus on keeping the family together.

    I find it so sad that so many women today are more than willing to put their own selfishness ahead of their commitment to their husband and children.

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 6:50 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • I think if you sit down with your DH and talk to him about it. And he does not and refuses to move. You said your relationship is not that good anyway. You should do what you think is right for you and your kids.

    Answer by louise2 at 6:52 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • I agree with ThrivingMom

    Answer by nsrush83 at 7:03 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • Selfish? No. Enthusiastic about having a better life? Yes but that's not a bad thing. Just tell him what you want to do and ask him to go. If he says no then that's his decision.

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:17 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • do talk to your husband. Don't just uproot everyone without allowing them to have voices in this.

    Answer by IzzeAddy at 8:59 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • To clarify, if you work at a low paying job and live somewhere that sucks that doesn't mean you are a loser. We all have to do what is best for those we love and working hard and teaching your children to appreaciate what they have is also important. Just don't teach kids to settle.

    Answer by IzzeAddy at 9:02 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

  • Thank you izze, that's how I feel. I do love my family but I want my girls to see that they can have the career and family. I don't want to settle. Never have. I will definitely talk to my dh. Thank you all for your advice.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:05 PM on Dec. 10, 2009