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How do you parent again after losing a child?

I lost my 2 children 2 years ago. We are now expecting a baby next summer. I'm afraid I will be a 'different' kind of mom... thoughts?

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Asked by jennyetta5 at 8:53 AM on Dec. 11, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (8)
  • Wow sweetheart, I'm sorry for your losses.Thats truley terrible.I beleive all children who have passed on are glorious angels.Oh, and I'm not a fruitcake. I think to have a sense of humor can really help also.I think you are being blessed yet ounce again, so give that little baby all the love you have been keeping inside to give them, and then you'll have all kinds of knew love to give as well.Our children can't get to much love.God bless you and your family. An open mind can be key to a meraculous life.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:01 AM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • First you have to accept the fact that the children you had are gone now and that this new one is also yours just as much as they were. And let everything you do be out of LOVE and appreciation that God gave you another baby to love. I dont know what the circumstances were but I hope you have healed and I know it has to be so hard to lose children...both of them at that must be almost unbearable, and I am so sorry for your loss. Just remember that this new little one is a gift.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:05 AM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • I guess I'm just afraid that somewhere down the line the child will feel as though (s)he is a 'replacement' for the ones I lost. I guess I have a fear since I couldn't protect the firt 2 from death(our house burned down) why am I bringing a new one into it? Is it selfish on my part?

    Answer by jennyetta5 at 9:09 AM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • No hunny your not being selfish by all means but to be honest I cant imagine how you must feel and all the emotions that are running through you right now. God put us here to make babys and we love children, just because you lost two doesnt mean that your not allowed to have any more thats silly. Just try and enjoy this baby because you of all people know that any minute could be your last. Im so sorry that you have had to go through something so horrible as to loosing your children in a fire, I wouldnt be able to sleep again. God is taking care of your babys untill your there to take over.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:25 AM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • Oh dear!

    A house fire is a terrible accident; unless you burned it down personally; don't blame yourself. I'm sure if you could have rushed into a burning building to save your two precious babies, you would have; sometimes horrible things occur; the best we can do it try to pick up the pieces and move forward as best we can.

    Assuming you aren't intending to name this new baby after one of your 'angels' I don't think they will grow up feeling like they are a replacement. Keep their memory alive; keep photos of them; remember them at holidays and birthdays; but don't build a shrine in your home to them; and your new baby will grow up just fine.

    As for the last bit of your reply above; that breaks my heart to hear. You are NOT selfish; what happened was a horrific tragedy; but the odds of something like that occuring again are very small. Try to not worry too much and find peace with your new LO.

    Best wishes

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:28 AM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • (( hugs ))) you might be a different mom... you might not waste one moment... you might sit and just stare in amazement.... you might cry a little more, laugh a litte harder, smile a bit brighter.... yes you might be different.

    But you will ALWAYS be mom.... always important.... always full of love... always always always mom

    and if you need to talk to someone about your fears, that is ok, that is natural.... so then go talk.

    dont be hard on yourself.... moms are not perfect. - they are siimply wonderful

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:35 AM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • I think you will be a different mom, I think you won't take things for granted and the child will be lucky to have you as its mother.congrats you will be fine don't worry. I will be thinking of you often through this holiday time and how wonderful God is to give you this gift. God bless you and your family

    Answer by ohio4 at 11:53 AM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • Thank you all for your kind words and support, it is very heartening for me to read such loving words.

    In response to one comment, no we will not name our new child after one of the children who died, I thought about using middle names for that purpose, but on further thought I'd decided I wouldn't ever want a child to feel as though they were a 'replacement'

    Answer by jennyetta5 at 9:20 AM on Dec. 12, 2009

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