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frustrated beyond belief

ok this may end up being a novel by the time im done but here goes... i am 24 years old and i have two awesome kids, Nikki woh is seven and Will who is five...

im not sure how to start explaining my situation so i guess i will try to start at the begining. i had my daughter when i was 16, i am still with her father who is also the father of our son. well when we got pregnant my parents were obviously upset, and wanted me to have an abortion, which i totally disagreed with and so did he.

well he went to my parents and told them that they didnt have anything to worry about, that me and the baby would be taken care of even if he had to work two and three jobs. well sadly that is yet to happen. after i gave birth to our daughter i went to work to support me and her, and he didnt. at the time i lived with my parents and he lived with his mom.



Asked by MamaSusieQ045 at 10:16 AM on Dec. 11, 2009 in Relationships

Level 15 (2,048 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Either way, you need to get yourself out of that situation. I very much understand, even if not first hand, you being scared and hesitant about leaving. You need to though. Take your children, your posessions and find some where, where you can get back on your feet. You have a right to be happy and you should be.

    Tell him what you told us. That he's has taken no responsibility financially to support you and your children. That he just isn't someone you want to be with anymore. You don't see a future, and you don't want a future with him. If you would rather, tell him that he needs to find a place of his own and ask him to move out. Just get out of the relationship before it drags you down to the bottom.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:08 AM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • it is time to sue for child support and move on. You grow up and he did not.

    Answer by gammie at 10:20 AM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • **continued**

    well when i turned 18 we moved out so we could actually be a family, because my parents really didnt like him so he wasnt aloud to come over so the only time he saw the baby was when we went to his house, or to run errands.

    well two weeks after we moved out i foud out that i was pregnant with our son, which honestly was a real shock. well when i was pregnant with our daughter i had gestdation diabetes, so i knew it was a possiblity i could get it again and i got that and more. my sugar was way out of control so i had to be admitted to the hospital, which caused me to lose my job, our only source of income at the time....

    everything went downhill from there, i got preclampsia with the pregnany and got admitted to the hospital when i was six months pregnant, and i was there until i delivered. well after i had my son my health went down hill, the diabetes from my daughter never went away..


    Answer by MamaSusieQ045 at 10:22 AM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • **continued**

    well the high blood pressure never went away either and it was discovered that i had interstital cystitis, a painful bladder condition which caused horrible pain but un diagnosed for two years. so to this day i still have diabetes and high blood pressure and a bladder problem.

    well my problem is this, he still hasnt worked, im almost six years. i dont know what to do, i know obviously the smart thing to do is to leave him, but honestly im so scared. and i feel horrible for saying that but i am. i am so confused i dont know what to do...

    i mean our realtionship has just gone downill for years, yes we say were in a relationship but hoenstly there isnt much else. we havent had sex in at least three years, i just dont find him attractive anymore, i just cant bring my self to think that he deserves it. mean part of being a man is providing for your family, and he doesnt and never really has..


    Answer by MamaSusieQ045 at 10:29 AM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • **continued**

    so i guess what i am trying to get some advice on is, how do i get myself out of the rut that i have let myself get into? how do you tell someone that you really do care about that they just arent attractive to you anymore?

    sadly i am the type of person that always tries to help everyone even if it comes back to bite me in the ass....but thats just who i am, i think that is part of why this is so hard for me, i know if i leave him he will have nothing, i mean shit at this point everything we own is technically mine, all his clothes, shoes, the furniture etc....he hasnt bought any of it .....i guess i just dont want to come off as some hearltess bitch the end...tats just not me, but i dont think that i deserve to be treated this way, but how do i change it?

    sorry this ended up being sooooo long, i hope it makes sense!


    Answer by MamaSusieQ045 at 10:33 AM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • Well, first off, If you ever want to be happy & be a stable person, you are going to HAVE to leave this loser. You don't have to tell him he is unattractive. Just tell him that you're not going to waste your time being wiht someone who cares so little about the family, that he has never worked. He is kind of a dead beat. And EVENTUALLY, you may be able to find a fellow who WILL work & help you pay bills. But, that will never happen unless you drop this loser.

    Tell him you are done. Tell him his lack of enthusiasm for helping the family is enough to make you want to leave on its own. You can even simply say " I don't want to be with you anymore, we're breaking up" When he asks why, just tell him you are not happy & that you tow have to split in order for you to be happy. Telling he is un-attractive is irrelevent to the situation. It hits below the belt too.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:45 AM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • Susie, you start by loving you enough to find someone who does. You can't save, change or make him over. He doesn't love you. Find a new apartment, talk to your family about child care, (I assume that he was at least watching the kids). Leave the stuff that he is the only one that uses and just walk away. Better yet kick him out. Pack up his stuff and change the locks. Talk to the landlord and if he is on the lease get a new one, and talk to the cops and make sure you do it legally(that is the last thing you need). Make sure you are not common law married. For the record that is not being a bitch, that is standing up for yourself and you kicks and refusing to be a door mat. So get the RESPCT song and get yourself a man that can respect an love you and your kids.  And trust your parents, sounds like they new what was up with him.


    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 10:47 AM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • I agree with a PP "If you ever want to be happy & be a stable person, you are going to HAVE to leave this loser." You're never going to be happy, get out of the rut, and live a fulfilled and satisfied life if you're with him. You know what you need to do, but I understand being scared. He is all you've ever known as far as a relationship goes, and I understand you having cold feet about leaving him. However, in the reality of it, do you really want to stay with someone who has done nothing for you and your children? Who has never made any effort to provide for his family? Who has never even stood up to keep the promise he made to your parents. You carried out his promise to your parents and you shouldn't have had to. It should've been an equal partnership and it hasn't been. You DO own all of that stuff and have every right to take every single bit of it. Move back in with your parents, if they'll let you, or find a place..

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:02 AM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • a place of your own. You deserve to be happy, you deserve someone who WANTS and IS an equal part of the relationship and responsibility.

    You really should get out of the situation now, beacuse it'll only drag you down further to the point where you no longer care. When you get to that point you'll never leave and you'll never be happy.

    Talk with your parents and ask if you and the kids can move in with them until you can get back on your feet. Make sure they know that you already know they have "I told you so" on their tongue, but they don't need to say it. Just talk it out with them and see if they'll let you come back home with the kids. If they don't, or if you'd rather talk to a friend and ask them to let you stay with them. That's if you're unable to found suitable housing for you and your children without staying with someone. Check into rent assisted housing, so you can have a controled rent.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:05 AM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • well i would just walk out, but my parents helped get the apartment that we are curretly living in, i had bad credit so they halped me out, so i cant just leave, and i feel like horribly heartless if i just kick him out knowing that the really doesnt have anywhere to go, i know i shouldnt care but i do. grrrr.... sometimes i get so frustrated at myself, most women would be like i kicked him to the curb, i didnt put up with that but for someone reason or another i just cant bring myself to do it....

    Answer by MamaSusieQ045 at 11:06 AM on Dec. 11, 2009