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Getting ready to adopt! I'm thrilled. Would love to hear some wonderful adoption stories.

Me and my husband have been married over three years and trying for a baby ever since. I did get pregnant but lost the baby during my 2nd trimester. We decided adoption was right for us. I've always wanted to adopt deep down whether I could or couldn't get pregnant. It's always been something that I've wanted to do. Well after Christmas, we are going to start our Home Study and I just couldn't be happier. My husband is thrilled because although he has a son from a previous marriage, he doesn't have much say so in his life due to the fact that she has custody and we only have weekend visits! I would love to hear some wonderful adoption stories and also, I'm looking for a neat way to tell my SS that we are planning to adopt. I want him to be part of it. How would I go about telling him? Any suggestions? Thanks so much in advance!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:25 AM on Dec. 11, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (10)
  • There are many awesome adoption groups where moms feel safe to share their private stories. Touched by Adoption is a great one!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:50 AM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • We are foster/adopt parents and were recently blessed in adopting our 2nd foster care placement who came to us as an infant. He is the joy of our lives and worth every day that we spent wondering if we would ever have children.

    You might tell your SS that you are wanting to provide a home to a child who needs a family and that you think he'd make a great big brother.

    You don't say whether you are looking into domestic infant adoption, international or foster care, but please research the pros and cons of each when choosing the path that you will take to build your family. Do you know about open adoption? Studies show it very positive for the adopted child. Good luck to you!
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 10:53 AM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • My first tip is print out and keep this post, the adoption road is often rocky and there will likely be days where you will not carry the enthusiasm and happy energy you carry now. You want to remember it.

    Depending on the child's age, you dont tell him much. Young children do not understand the concept of a failed adoption and failed placement and unfortunately, that is a real risk. There are many times where you get all excited and the placement never happens. Professionals advise that you tell a young child that you plan to adopt but not to give any specifics even when you have them. If you are religious, you can tie it into praying for a baby but not being sure when God is sending the baby.

    We live in a state with a long TPR period so we didnt tell our 4 yr old child until the baby was being picked up at the hospital and then for 60 days tried not to refer to the baby as a "sister".

    Good luck
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:15 AM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • We'd all like to hear wonderful adoption stories, and often there are wonderful aspects of adoption. However, adoption is also thrawt with loss, grief and anger. If you want only wonderful stories, I suggest that you never come back to the adoption Q&A of Cafemom. But, if you want to know the whole truth, read all the questions and replies in this section, including the closed section. Check out the other triad groups, including ones for hopeful paps, adoptive mothers, birth mothers, but especially the ones started by adult adoptees because they are the ones who have lived with adoption their whole lives. Adoptees can help you raise your child in the most effective way. I also suggest reading books written by adoptees. This is a good one: http://www.enotalone.com/books/044050838X.html

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:00 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • I can tell you personally, if you want to save a lot of time and money... Do foster to adopt! There are no garauntees with domestic adoption, private or agency adoption, we have wasted a lot of time and money going this route, but the worse is the pain you go through when you have one fail! I wish we would have become foster parents in the beginning, but we were so excited about adopting a baby, fresh from the hospital, but we never got her! Now we just feel we have wasted too much time and money to turn back now.... Good luck in your journey, I truly hope yours is easier than ours!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:19 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • Have you chosen your route yet? I'm guessing you may have, since you're already at the stage where you're having the homestudy done. We used Catholic Charities both times, and I would highly recommend them. Both offices (different states) told us they were there to help the expectant mothers mainly. That was hard to hear after we'd been waiting for so long, but I believe they are being careful not to pressure women into placing if that is not what they want to do. Also, the fees are very reasonable compared to other agencies. They do have age limits and you have to get a letter of reference from a pastor saying you're involved with a Christian church, so not everyone can go through them. Feel free to PM me if you want more info. I'll answer within a day or so. Good luck!
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 9:25 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • My boyfriend was adopted at 20 months and his "mom" was real bad but his parents are great and hes a great guy and you know what I see nothing different in him being adopted then me except that he had a better life lol. His family is his family and his adopted brother is his brother and they are awsome and so is he,I think the only thing I would try to avoide is thet my boyfriend feels as if he "owes" his parents because they picked him,I dont get it I say so they are your parents you just need to love them but thats it. Other than that congrats!!!!!!!
    moodywife

    Answer by moodywife at 10:02 AM on Dec. 12, 2009

  • We adopted our son in APril of 2007 after waiting 21 months. I can still picture all the details of the evening when we got "the call" (we adopted domestically) and the afternoon we held our son for the first time (48 hrs later). He was a preemie, born at under 4 lbs. He spent two weeks in the hospital (with us driving 3 hrs roundtrip to see him each day) before coming home. During our wait we got lots of "situation" calls (cases that didn't match our profile exactly but were close and required our permission to show). Those were hard since it got our hopes up that a baby might be coming soon. After lots of "they picked a different family" messages, we were finally matched. It will be a journey with many ups and downs (particularly if you happen to have a failed match) but the end is fabulous! Don't let the posts on CM get you down. It can be very negative! Good luck!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:41 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • I will try to refrain from giving you my opinion on private, infant adoptions--especially those that seek out pregnant women because it's not what you asked for. God help me :-)

    At any rate, doodlebopfan is an adoptive parent who is more aware of ethical adoption than many people I've read posts by. She is a good resource. I also agree with Anon 12:00. Adoption is not all happy things. There are very sensitive issues involved therein. Adoptions should be kept open when and if at all possible. An agency may not inform you of this and in almost all states they will not facilitate this but if you have contact with the biological parents before the adoption takes place, try to get as much factual, identifying information about the original family as possible as the original family allows. Depending on the birth/adoption state, once the adoption takes place, the child's original identity will be completely sealed (cont.
    NovemberLove

    Answer by NovemberLove at 2:46 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • Your child will be entitled to a biological heritage, social history, an on-going and accurate family medical history as well as an original identity. You may be able to restore some of the civil rights stripped from your child when the adoption takes place by getting a hold of as much of this information about them as you can. This are all things that can and most likely will be extremely important to an adopted person as they get older. If there was openness in my adoption (I am an adoptee) I can tell you I would have went through far less horrendous health scares involving severe allergic reactions and painful surgery (to name just two) if I had the ability to ask my original family "what's going on?" I always have had a deep need to know that my original mother was OK--the emotion became unbearable when I birthed a child of my own. Keep these things for the adoptee--it does not mean they'll lov eyou any less.
    NovemberLove

    Answer by NovemberLove at 2:51 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

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