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I think I need to be more strict, please help me.

My kids are almost 5 and 2.5. While in general, they are good children, my house is trashed, they don't listen on the 1st, 2nd or even 3rd + times. They get into things, they get in trouble, they fight with eachother constantly. I'm losing my mind. If I as much as raise my voice to my extremely sensitive 4YO dd, she collapses in a pile of sobs and runs to her room crying that I love her brother more than her and that its all her fault and she does everything wrong. These are things I have NEVER said to her, yet if I look at her wrong, this is what she does, disciplining her is very hard because of this. My 2.5 yo ds is just an animal ball of energy who just constantly gets into trouble. I need to feel more in control, I feel more like there slave than anything else. Any advice??

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gramsmom

Asked by gramsmom at 10:40 AM on Dec. 11, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 22 (13,423 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • oops, "their"
    gramsmom

    Answer by gramsmom at 10:41 AM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • you just need to put your foot down .. your four year old says those things because it gets to you .. you have to let them know that you are mommy and if you say no you mean no .. that means dont say that they cant do something if your going to give in ... say what you mean and mean what you say.. and things will get ALOT better .. it might be hard but it is worth it in the end ..
    cammar424

    Answer by cammar424 at 10:44 AM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • I am soo working on it, if you want we can do it together.

    Coach one and one on. It is hard work, but after a while maybe a week or two, I think we will both be happier.

    I have 4 children 6/7/10/13. I am like a record player, cd, over and over. I am tired of being tired. They improved alot, but I don't want to keep repeating my self.

    So I am here for you, we should email each other daily, whether late night or early morning to be sure we are hanging in there.
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 10:47 AM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • Check out Love & Logic. It's great for getting the kids in line, and it really reduces the drama once you follow it consistently. Your DD knows what she is saying isn't true and she is using it to get to you. When she says things like that, say, "it's so sad that you think that or feel that way," and don't engage in any further discussion of the matter. GL!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:51 AM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • First the Drama Queen. When she does this turn it around. You don't love me if you did you would listen and try to help etc. In other words get real Dramatic I mean over the top ham it up. To the point where she either starts to laugh because you look so ridiculous, Or she gets mad because you now have her number. She playing you like a stradivarius. As for the boy find something to harness that energy. Get basket that he can literally throw his toys into. With boys if it's fun and rambunctious they'll do it. Find ways to make cleaning up a game. Who ever gets done first gets to pick the TV show. (Or the most). And here's my favorite if you keep your room clean you don't have to help me. Then when all else fails as it does sometimes. I have a mine closet. If I walk past something three times remind them to pick it up then it's mine for as long as I deem. These are just ideas they worked for me they might for you.

    oldermomof5

    Answer by oldermomof5 at 10:53 AM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • Same prob here
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:57 AM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • You need to stand up for yourself as a parent and put your foot down. Be consistant about what you say, follow through, and don't let your daughter's sobs make you feel sorry for her. That is her way of manipulating you and if you let her continue doing it, then she will take it to the extreme. When you put one of your children in time out, don't let the punishment go without being completed. First give a warning "Johnny, you hit your brother and we do not allow hitting in this family, so you're going in time out". Then place him in a specific time out chair (or on the floor) and give him five minutes in that one place. If he gets up, don't say anything just put him back in the time out place. Continue to do that until he stays there. When he does he gets the full five minutes, or you can tack on a minute everytime he gets up if you want. Either way, be consistant and don't give in.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:12 AM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • The second you give in they then have you wrapped around their finger. Children/toddlers test their bounderies to see what buttons get what reaction. When they figure the button out that makes you cave, then you are in for a world of trouble. They will use that button to their full advantage and you will lose complete control. Take away their favorite posessions when they misbehave. Say "Johnny, I've asked you not to throw your food on the floor and you didn't listen. You will no longer be able to play video games for the rest of the day. If you have to, unplug the video games and put them in a place he cannot reach them. When your daughter starts crying and runs to her room, let her stay there until she calms down. Don't coddle her while she's upset, because that's rewarding her for her bahaviour. When she calms down, sit her down and explain to her why you yelled. Let her know she is loved, but she cannot misbehave.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:15 AM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • Her outbursts are her version of a tantrum, and if you reward her with cuddling and "Ohh I'm sorry", then she will run you ragged with that tactic. When kids overreact to a situation like that they're trying to distract you from punishing them for what they've done. Again, the second you let them manipulate you, the second they have you wrapped around their finger. It only takes one time, and that one time will last as long as you allow it to. Take control now, be consistant, and follow through. Teach your children to pick up after themselves, use time outs as punishment, or taking away favorite posessions, and don't give up. You can do this. YOU are the parent and you can be a very strong parent if you allow yourself to be. All the best!!
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:18 AM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • Call supernanny LOL! Bring in the troops lol! I would calmly but firmly give them a warning at their level and make eye contact if they do it again after the 1st warning it's time out 1 minute per age I know this will be frustrating and you think it's not going to work but follow thru and keep following thru and you'll see a difference once in time out completly ignore the child...if they don't stay in time out take them back and add a minute for every time they get up I know this works I have a very spoiled 7 yr. old and he rants and raves and kicks and screams but i've tried this technique and stuck to it and he's a more behaved kid and listens..try it
    chica679

    Answer by chica679 at 11:22 AM on Dec. 11, 2009

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