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How do I handle a situation like this??

Ok, so here's the thing, I have a friend with a four yo daughter and from time to time they come visit me, when I was living in an apartment there was no problem, but just before my DD was born(she's 5 months)my DH bought a house, and we've been fixing it up, decorating, etc. The last time they visited the kid was into EVERYTHING! Tried to push my then 4 m.o. out of her swing, toke things off shelves, went into my bedroom and dragged things out, went into my DD's room and got her toys (not a problem if she asks, but she didn't) and then when she went to use the bathroom(not potty trained yet)my friend took apart a decoration I had set up and gave it to her DD who then tore it apart and threw it on the floor. She never told her to stop anything and eveytime she got into something she just said "she's so creative", any ideas how I bring it up without sounding like I'm bashing her parenting skills, I just want my house in 1 peice


Asked by Anonymous at 11:26 AM on Dec. 11, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I would bring out some toys, and then close all the bedroom doors- and when they walk in tell them both that you have some toys already out for the girl to play with and the bedrooms are 'off limits'. You may want to tell both of them that you have 'house rules' which means that if doors are closed - the rooms are off limits, anything you take out you pick up, and toys are to be played with- not broken! If the little one goes toward the bedroom or makes a fuss, be firm and tell her that room is off limits, you do not want her in there. If her mom gets mad, oh well. It is not her house and she needs to respect (and back you) on your limits. I would set out the toys and close doors every time they visit-- maybe mom will eventually get the hint. You may want to start making the visits at her house, or somewhere in public like a park-- where the child can play but not destroy your things.
    Good luck!!

    Answer by MizLee at 12:31 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • I would simple tell her that in your house you do not allow your daughter to act like that and you would appriciate it if her daughter did not behave like that in your house.. or you could go over to her house instead. another ideas is to simply tell her daughter what not to do in your house when she is there.. You can say " my room is off limits and please ask before you take out dd toys."

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:29 AM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • OP here- I have asked the little girl not to do any of what she did, she just stomps her feet and quits talking and does it anyway, the problem is that her mother not only lets her after I ask her not to, but tells her and me how creative and smart she is... creative is fine as long as it doesn't destroy anything. The little girl is also a little rough with my daughter who is only 5 months old, she was even leaning on her chest at one point, I had to carry her around for an hour so she wouldn't hurt her. I don't want to question her parenting, but I need to protect my daughter.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:38 AM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • And I GOT BASHED the other day because I said I didnt want to babysit other peoples kids?!!! This is exactly why. The little boy I have been asked to watch unexpectedly has torn up a bulb on my christmas tree, dumped over a full humidifier in my sons room, been caught messing with my laptop(which is a big NO NO), found playing in the bathtub, shut my son out of his room and slammed the door 3 times, been caught in my teenagers room, knocked a candy cane decoration off the wall, found messing with my sons nebulizer, hit my cat, standing on the coffee table, playing with the doors to the fireplace..ect. But yet I am the selfish one who cant open my heart to other peoples kids. WTH? I think you need to just say...okay if she cant just play with the toys and stop destroying my home, then she cant come over or also maybe when you know shes coming, shut doors, put away valuables and brace for the best. I feel for ya!

    Answer by momofsaee4 at 11:43 AM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • Handling problems that you have with your friends' kids is always tough! How about this... if you had planned on buying a baby gate system for your own little one, do it a couple of months earlier than you might actually need it. This way, when you friends' child comes over, you can set the gates up ahead of time and avoid having to directly confront your friend. Plus, you'll get a lot of use out of it when your own little one moves around more. Or try closing doors and discussing boundaries right when the child gets there, offering small reminders of what is nice and what is not nice to touch. Overall, if you want to preserve the relationship that you have with your friend, light comments might be the best approach... in order to not sacrifice hurt feelings.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:46 AM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • Each time they visit is an opportunity to teach the child. I would also teach my friend how I want my home and child to be treated. As for asking permission to play with the toys....she's 4. Cut her some slack. If you'd give her the toys you want her playing with then shut the baby's door to keep her out that might help keep her off your decorations. I'd also tell the friend that destruction doesn't always translate as creative and if the child doesn't stop being "creative" with my things then I'll not invite them back.

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:16 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • OP again- Her mom actually brings a good assortment of toys with her when she comes, and like I said, I don't mind her playing with some of the toys, but she is a bit destructive. I know they're just toys, but I want my daughter to have something to play with when she's able to play more, and shutting doors doesn't really help, she seems to be in a phase where if someone says don't do it, then it's the thing to do. Still, I like the idea that it's an opportunity to teach the little girl.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:26 PM on Dec. 11, 2009