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Do we marry someone with the same character flaws as our parents, in hopes that we can somehow solve unresolved issues of our childhood?

Do you think we really DO marry our parents?

 
IhartU

Asked by IhartU at 11:40 AM on Dec. 11, 2009 in Just for Fun

Level 27 (31,412 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Well, that is a good question. My husband is not like my father but my father was also out of the picture age 11 on. I have two mothers and there are times I see a bit of similarities he has to them, but mostly he's in a category of his own.

    I don't think we marry to resolve unresolved issues rather some marry what is familiar to them. There are those who grew up watching or experiencing abuse and sadly marry it w/o meaning to. It's not like they sought out an abuser and said, "Let’s get married" but that they married in love and later found out he’s abusive just as they’d grown up with. My moms once was told in a collage profiling class that people tend to attract what they are used to, and if they don’t want that attraction they have to look harder at those around them before getting too close. I do believe this theory may hold some truth.
    Knightquester

    Answer by Knightquester at 1:45 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • Geez... I don't think we do intentionally! But maybe we tend to overlook flaws that our parents have because we love them... and in seeking a partner, we accidentally overlook those same problems. :-)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:42 AM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • I didnt but I can see how that would happen. I only wish I married someone half as good as my parents...sigh
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 11:42 AM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • I married the complete opposite of my dad, and one of my biggest fears in life is becoming anything like my mother. I think it screwed me up a bit to the point where I will be shopping and won't even buy a color that she would wear. I am terrified of being like my mother. My father hated my husband for years, and although he's now pretty much accepted him, they will never be best buddies and they never have anything in common and that's fine.
    JulieJacobKyle

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 11:43 AM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • I think I married my father. Calm, passive and a pushover who doen't like to argue. I don't think I did it though to try and 'fix' those issues, but because those were the things I love about my father.
    IhartU

    Answer by IhartU at 11:46 AM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • yes! my husband is the same as my dad although he would never admit it....but i am the opposite of his mother. he did date many girls that were just like his mother, trying to "fix" them. we came to this realization a couple nights ago while talking in bed.
    aguerra13

    Answer by aguerra13 at 12:06 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • I know I did not. Only thing my husband and father have in common is the fact they both will do anything to provide for their families. But my husband has a degree and works smarter not harder.. My dad workes harder and it is showing. My dad is very passive and lets my mom run the house. My husband is hands on and we both make decisions, he is very involved dad, etc. I try to be nothing like my mom. She constantly compared all her kids, had my brother just b/c I could have sibling/playmate, and constantly tells I need to have her granddaughter. I have a son and he will an only child because of my childhood and I dont want more children.
    Mom2Just1

    Answer by Mom2Just1 at 12:12 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • My dad and my DH are nothing whatsoever alike! I am nothing like his mom. So as far as our relationship goes...no.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 12:20 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • I think we marry someone with some similarities to our parents but not fully or to fix unresolved issues,etc.

    I think we are just naturally drawn to what we know and love and that tends to end up being parts of things our parents had(trait wise).
    Amaranth361

    Answer by Amaranth361 at 12:31 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • Nope sure didn't dh is NOTHING like my father thank goodness. My dad was a control freak, agressive, and an alcoholic. Dh doesn't drink is passive and uncontrolling. But dh has said more than once that I'm like his mom. Too bad I'll never be able to get to know her...
    bjw_053109

    Answer by bjw_053109 at 12:54 PM on Dec. 11, 2009