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How harmful is it if I discourage playdates early on?

My girls are 4 and 5 and go to school. They often ask if they can play over a classmates house. I'm very uncomfortable with having my girls play at someones house that I don't know. We just moved into the area and we literally don't know anyone. I let them go to classmates birthday parties, etc....and will have other children over our house. I feel I will never know someone well enough to allow my daughters to play over there house. Am I being over protective? I will allow them when they get a few years older. They are very outgoing and very social in school and out. I just don't want to ruin that in them. Let me know what you think,Thank you!

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oldmomof4

Asked by oldmomof4 at 1:11 PM on Dec. 11, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (13)
  • why not go over with them and get to know the parents so that you both get friendships out of it?
    peanutsmommy1

    Answer by peanutsmommy1 at 1:15 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • why not go over with them and get to know the parents so that you both get friendships out of it?

    My thoughts exactly!
    KatiaZgr

    Answer by KatiaZgr at 1:16 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • I agree with not necessarily going along, but getting ahold of the mom(s) and making it a group thing - if you're not comfortable with going to their house or having them at yours, meet at a nearby park or play place. But don't say no, they can't have playdates. They need the friend time outside of school too.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:19 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • I thought of that but they don't invite me, should I just invite myself? I live in Northern PA and the people here are not very welcoming of new comers. I've never had to try so hard to make eye contact with people in my life.
    oldmomof4

    Answer by oldmomof4 at 1:24 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • You are being a mom....go meet them and form a relationship with them. Trust your instincts though, if you don't feel right about having your child over there with out you, don't do it. Most parents will allow their children to go to classmates homes, I am not one of them. My daughter is 10, if she wants to see her friends, they come over to our house. Call it paranoid or what.....I am her mom, I have that right.
    slvrspoon98

    Answer by slvrspoon98 at 1:41 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • yep, invite yourself... "If you don't mind I'd like to come with her the first time so that I can get to know you and feel more comfortable having her come by herself later"
    peanutsmommy1

    Answer by peanutsmommy1 at 1:41 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • We don't do playdates. My kids play with the other kids in the neighborhood and my friend's kids (mostly the neighborhood kids). We have no use for playdates. I prefer them to learn to set up their own playing by ringing doorbells and asking their friends if they can come out and play.
    justanotherjen

    Answer by justanotherjen at 1:47 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • What if you blame it on your girls? "They would be more comfortable if I am there with them." They ARE still young, and I wouldn't do a playdate without being there myself. You do what is right for you and your kids.
    TPVY

    Answer by TPVY at 2:05 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • I dont like having other ppl's kids at my home & also I dont like my kids going to ppl's homes i dont know well. My kids are all now teens & it hasnt hurt them in any manner. They just tell ppl "My mom doesn't allow ppl in the house when she isnt home". Which solves most of the issue. Also they say "my mom doesn't let us go to people's houses if she doesnt know the parents" (which is true)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:53 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • You're not alone hun, but I see no reason why you can't go with them; consider it a happy medium. I didn't always take my children to people’s homes, but sometimes I would. I had a few set rules one was that I had to have their parents name and number. I would call and talk to them. I would offer bringing something say a toy of my child's, game or snack and I would tell them "we" had ____time free on ______day, and then ask what time/day did they had free for “us” to come by. I always made sure it was clear that I would be with my child. Had I ever been asked or a comment made on my presence I would have told them honestly that “I am new to the area and know few people so I do prefer not only getting to know other parents, but also getting to know my child’s friends”. There's no shame in honesty.
    Knightquester

    Answer by Knightquester at 4:02 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

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