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How do I deal with my friend that does drugs & drinks?!

I have a dear friend she really wants to be good but she can not stop doing what she is doing. I do not do drugs or drink. I do not understand her pain. I am trying. Her problem is ruining our friendship. Her heart is just wonderful. Do I do tough love on my friend and if so how do I do it??? This is KILLING ME!!!! I hate to get rid of our friendship. Is it called guarding your heart? Looking for answers to this problem.
I am married with kids of my own. She is a grandmother taking care of her grandchild (she is also married).
How do I get her to put the breaks on her problems?
HELP PLEASE. Thank you.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:04 PM on Dec. 11, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)

    Answer by BellaDiamond at 3:05 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • What kind of drugs is she doing?

    If she is just smoking pot, then you need to relax a bit. Rehab is a but over the top for pot smokers. If you don't liek it then don't hang out with her. Is it ruining her ability to care for her grandchild?

    Answer by samurai_chica at 3:19 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • Will she go through rehab or some sort of counceling? I advise you to not allow her to bring drugs into your house, and don't allow her to drive your children anywhere because you don't know when/if she's under the influence.

    Answer by flatlanderjenn at 3:19 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • Unfortunately, when you're talking about people with an addiction, you can't MAKE them do anything... They have to want to change their lives themselves. And usually, that doesn't happen until they hit rock bottom. I was married to an alcoholic, and after trying to help him for years, I eventually just had to walk away. Because staying would have destroyed my life as surely as it was destroying his.

    Answer by Anouck at 3:25 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • If she's serious about wanting to stop doing what she's doing then she should be willing to accept help. Plain and simple.
    If she refuses and kind of help and keeps using then yes, tough love is an option.
    All you can do is offer to help her get help. If she refuses then you say "I care about you. You are my friend, but I refuse to watch you destroy yourself. When you are ready to quit then I will be there to help you but until then I can't see you or speak to you."

    Then don't. Don't call to see how she's doing, don't e-mail, don't go visit. It's called tough love for a reason. She has to know that her addiction is affecting people other than herself and that you will no longer be enabling her in any way.

    Some people need to hit rock bottom before they'll get help. Part of that is feeling like you've lost everyone you care about.
    You can't fix her but you can be there as a friend when she decides to fix herself.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:45 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • i have a family member with the exact same problem. Since she is such a close friend, knowing that you disapprove and showing her tough love will definately make her put her problems into perspective. So tough love is the way to go. But it is important that she knows how much you love her and want to see her succeed in life. Don't be mean about it.

    Rehab may help, but its not the cure, only she can stop. If she has a child and if that child is not being cared for properly or is in some kind of danger, call cps, you'll sleep better at night.

    Answer by MirandaLacy at 6:53 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

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