Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepdaughter problems

My 24yo stepdaughter & her 5yo DD moved in with us in June when she left her husband.
She got a job but then got fired for missing days because her DD needed to have her tonsils out.
This was the start of Oct. Now she sleeps all day while her DD is a school, stays in her room all the time and she says she's looking for work but hasn't found anything.

I think 6 months has been ample time for her to get on her feet and I want her to move out. Her father, my DH agrees. How should we go about telling her its time to move out?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 6:27 PM on Dec. 11, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (12)
  • Honestly it's time to sit down with your husband and your step-daughter and tell her she needs to be more proactive in her job hunt. Tell her started January 1st, you want rent and money for utilities, or she will have to move.

    Answer by Mom2Jack04 at 6:31 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • tell her or i would wake her up awhile shes sleepin in and tell her to go look for a job and by a certain date she has to move out job or no job

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:38 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • I would give her until the first of February to have a job and be out of the house. My guess is she is a tad depressed and needs a nudge to get motivated.

    Answer by Nathskitten at 6:43 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • She sounds depressed. I take it you aren't close with her? Maybe it would be best to let her Dad handle it? It's extremely hard to find a job around the holidays, and where exactly do you expect her to move to if she has no job? Is there other family she can stay with?

    Answer by Gealach at 6:44 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • Lets see what it takes to move out.
    Power deposit. 150ish
    Water deposit 50ish
    Gas deposit (if needed) 100ish
    1st & last months rent 1000-1400

    How long do you think it'll take her to earn that?
    Maybe offer some support instead of making her husband's daughter & granddaughter homeless?

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:46 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • Dealing with adult children can be hard. I say have a heart to heart with her. Tell her you understand its hard and that she's depressed but that she needs to stand on her own 2 feet and take care of her child.

    If you don't think she's really looking for work, get proof. Get a few applications and see if she even fills them out. Tell her to put in at palces where you know ppl and check back to see if she actually did.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:51 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • it is NOT hard to find work around the Holidays. I Live in a small town all we have is a walmart and target and they hire tons of ppl for the holiday rush and if they like you they keep you. Im sure she can find something

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:00 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • Yeah finding work around the holidays isn't hard but seasonal work isn't going to keep her from being homeless as soon as the x-mas rush is over.

    I agree that six months is plenty of time to find a job. I also agree that it sounds like she could be depressed. She just left her husband and had to swallow her pride and move back in with her parents. That sucks.(awesome of you guys to take her in but it sucks for her to have to resort back)

    If you guys start harping on her to get a job and move out then it could do more damage than good.
    She's already feeling crappy about things, this could make her feel like you guys don't want her around either.

    Maybe she 'has' looked for work. Where I'm from there's not a lot out there that would pay the bills that's available right now.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:21 PM on Dec. 12, 2009

  • There is a RECESSION going on if you have not noticed. It's not that easy to find jobs. You let her come into your home and make it her home. See if she can get child support to help pay you if you want money from her. Maybe she can get on govt assisted housing or see if you can help her find a job. Tell her to try the temporary agencies. I'm sure she is staying in her room depressed. I'm sure she feels like a failure and beating herself up. She doesn't need you and dad making her feel like crap, too. Be supportive. Don't be devious trying to find ways to get her out of your house.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:29 AM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • What are you people talking about? Have you not noticed that we are needing unemployment benefits EXTENDED because it IS hard to find a job in 6 months or even year? The unemployment rate is over 10%, there ARE NO JOBS. Having a seasonal job won't pay the bills if you lose the job, it doesn't provide STABILITY.
    I agree that she sounds depressed. Try talking to her - not about getting a JOB, but about moving on with her life and finding a path. Definitely don't let the goal be "move out" try a different approach - like, do what you need to do to get your little family in a good place - WE WILL BE THERE FOR YOU, YOU CAN STAY AS LONG AS YOU NEED TO. JFC, what is family for?

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:30 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN