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Would you be upset? or am I just overreacting?

when my DH and I met I told him I wouldnt be with a smoker, im allergic first of all, second I dont want it around our kids and third I hate the smell of it...well h hadnt smoked in like a year and a half..well he goes over to Iraq for deployment..and he PROMISED he wouldnt smoke..well I asked him today and he told me he has...and I asked him how many thinking 2-3 ...NO 15 ! and he tells me it had been really stressful at first and so I ask him when was the last time he had one ...3 days ago ok you've been there for months and ur job isnt that stressful..the stuff that was happening at home was stressful for him (problems with work and stuff) ..im just REALLY disappointed in him, DH always keeps his word and he never lies..im really hurt and I know its something small..but it worries me he broke his promise on this..im scared he will break his promise and cheat on me..and I know the big reason I fear it is because my ex did

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:31 PM on Dec. 11, 2009 in Just for Fun

Answers (14)
  • but I cant help but feel upset by this...am I overreacting??
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:31 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • yeah... he is deployed into a war zone..not just dealing with at home work stress.

    he works in an area where people die all the time, and he is a target for that hate.

    Give him a break and support him.

    You can always talk to him about quiting as soon as he gets home.

    tntmom1027

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 7:33 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • I think you are.... Smoking a cigarette and cheating on you are COMPLETELY different things. I can understand you being disappointed, but on the other hand, you don't really KNOW how stressful it is for him over there, since you're not experiencing what he's going through. However, based on what you told me, I really don't see how you can think that could lead to him cheating on you... I think you're projecting your experiences with your ex onto him, and that's not a healthy thing to do at all.
    Anouck

    Answer by Anouck at 7:34 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • Deal w/ the real issue here, the cheating, has nothing to do w/ the smoking. If he starts smoking again @ home then address that. Otherwise realize that the issue you are dealing w/ has to do w/ your past & NOTHING to do w/ him. Do you think he's cheating?
    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 7:34 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • he is in a combat zone..but his job is non-combat he works in a large warehouse over there...he does work long hours and only gets one day off a week but still...I still feel hurt
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:35 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • no I dont think hes cheating...if he isnt at work or sleeping hes talking to me and our kids...its just hurtful because my ex used to break promises to me ALL of the time, basically if he promised me something it meant nothing..but DH isnt like that he always keeps his word so when he didnt this time it scared me and hurt me
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:37 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • He is miles and miles away from home and everyone he loves. Thats stress enough to smoke right there.

    I do think you are projecting your fears of being cheated on onto this small issue.
    As long as he doesn't continue to smoke when he comes home, what is it hurting? If it calms him and helps him deal with being away from you, I don't see what the big problem is.
    He didn't HAVE to tell you, but he did. He should get some points for that.
    Gealach

    Answer by Gealach at 7:38 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • I Think you are overreacting I'm sure that it's very stressful being in that situation and even if he quit ten years ago he could still be difficult for him to stay quit when under that kind of mental stress. Don't worry about it now, you have enough to deal with when he gets home make sure he dosn't smoke in the car or house so niether you or your kids have to breathe it in then be supportive of him while he quits it he it will be alot esier for him when he gets home and gets his life back.
    Liz132

    Answer by Liz132 at 7:47 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • I used to be a heavy smoker & understand how stress can lead you back into temptation. Realize he thought it was a big deal or he never would have mentioned it to you. Don't put your past issues onto him, he has enough of his own returning from war but let him know why you ar concerned.
    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 7:53 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • He's in Iraq, mama. Be understanding of that, and he'll be more able to cut it out when he gets home. I think that pressuring him or making him feel like he has completely betrayed you won't make anything better.
    asaffell

    Answer by asaffell at 8:25 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

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