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No bashers Please...Does anyone else have a teen that had a child?

I just found out this morning that my fifteen year old son will soon be a father. The mom of his girlfriend called me this morning and I broke down! I am trying to cope with this and I have been going over what I could have and should have done. I finally realized that I have been a good mom to my son and have done the best I can possibly do raising him.He came to me when he choose to loose his virginity,and all though I was thrown back In actuality I cant tell him no you cant do that, it was already done.I made sure his girlfriend and him knew exactly what could happen and the mom and I made the choice to have her start birth control pills. I wasnt telling them it was ok to do what they were doing but I was tyring to prevent this from happening.Well it did anyways.I just need some helpful advice from others that know what I am going through. How did you cope. Please no bashers, because believe it or not,this could be you

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:49 PM on Dec. 11, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (21)
  • I'm sorry you are going through this. I haven't been there and surely don't want to be there. You can't go back and undo decisions you already made. All you can do is support your son in becoming a father. Sign him up for parenting classes, help him get his GED and seek therapy for yourself to cope with this. Good luck

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 9:54 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • I haven't been in that situation and pray to God that I never will. However, I feel that you can only do so much. You make sure they know how to protect themselves and hope it all turns out well. Other than that things happen and there isn't anything you can now but support him any way you can.

    I personally believe that you can not stop teenagers from having sex. Didn't work for me or most of us for that matter, however you can educate them, which you did and no birth control is perfect.

    Good luck to all involved. It may be a hard road, but with parental support, I'm sure it'll be fine in the end.
    heatheryn

    Answer by heatheryn at 9:57 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • I HAVE A 15 YEAR OLD SON AND IM AFRADE THAT MY SON WILL DO THE SAME ! WHAT SHOULD I DO ? I HAVENT EVEN HAD THE SEX TALK WITH HIM YET ! YOUR SON CAN HELP HER OUT AS MUCH AS HE CAN OR GET A PART TIME JOBE TO HELP OUT , U AND YOUR SON AND HER MOM AND DAD GET TO GEATHER AND TALK ABOUT IT AND FIGER OUT SOME THING ! !
    lightbulbe

    Answer by lightbulbe at 10:06 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • I assume the girlfriend and your son have decided to keep the baby? Are they both ready? There are options for these reasons. Good luck in whichver they decide.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:12 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • Yes you should def have the sex talk with him, even if it makes you completely uncomfortable. Obviously it doesnt always work but atleast he will know he can come to you. Thank you guys for that advice. I sat down with the mom today and we all talked. She just keeps on crying because she was just about to start cheerleading. I told her that she doesnt have to give that up and that she can do it next year if this is what she really wants. She decided that she wants to keep the baby and I cant tell her what to do, I can only be there for her and my son. Can you believe that my mom actually told me that I dont have to worry about this as much as the mother does. I was like wtf? I cant believe she said that. This is whats wrong with the world today, she better not tell my son that. I am going to make sure he is just as responsible for this as her! I am a single mom with four kids, i cant believe this is happening but it is
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:17 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • Well to the above answer, I am not sure if thats what they decided yet. I am pretty sure she isnt going to abort the baby. It is not my choice or her mothers on what they do. I was a teen mom and I remember people left and right to have a abortion and it really depressed me and made me feel alone. I will never do that to them. I am obviously not happy about this because he is only fifteen and I am thirty but it is already done. No going back now. I will get through this, i have been through much much more but right now I am just thrown back by this. I know in my heart that Im a good mom I just feel like I failed some where. I am a single mom to four children and my son sees first hand what I am going through after my divorce six years ago.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:20 PM on Dec. 11, 2009

  • Luckily my sons made it out of their teen years without getting anyone pregnant. Of course, they didn't have sex as minors, they knew that it was a bad choice for them. My 1 son was 18 & out of high school (and married) when he became a 1st time dad and will be 22 & out of college when his 2nd child is born. My other 3 are 23, 19 and 18 and none have children. The oldest and his wife want to have a child (they have lost 2 pregnancies) but the younger 2 are years away from making that choice. I always felt that giving a child condoms or putting them on the pill was condoning it even if I knew it was prevantative. Children don't think as clear as we adults do and teens are just that....children. They are not mini-adults. 15 as a mom is young but 15 to become a dad...whew, that's harder. Where does a 15yo work to support a gf and a child? Good luck to you because you and her family will be sharing that cost.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:31 AM on Dec. 12, 2009

  • Given I know nothing of how you and have raised your children I can't say that I for sure think you're a top notch mom, but this would not be what would make you a bad mother given it was a choice made whether or not you would have allowed it or not. This particular thing is not what would determine your parenting, and to be honest the one thing that has stuck in my head is my own mother telling me there is no such thing as a perfect parent and things will happen, I as a parent will make mistakes but hopefully we all make it through alright and maybe a little wiser. It sounds like you've got a very mature son if he's open enough to talk to you about his sex life, I would say that should be something that makes you proud. Also, you are in sync with this girl’s mother, something that I'm sure most other parents aren't with their 15 year olds boy/girl friend.
    Knightquester

    Answer by Knightquester at 1:51 AM on Dec. 12, 2009

  • NO,but I had a child as a teen,I was force to have my baby adopted. Worst idea ever when there is not drugs,alcoholism or severe mental illness involved.Yes it will be hard for the next few years but with guidance and support they can be good parents.With both sides of the family helping out and working together they can finish high school.Work their way through college if need be.Though they may not stay together as a couple with the grandparents guidance they can work through these temporary hardships.Yes it is temporary compared to a life of pain ,no matter how much therapy ,education and loving your future children there is always extreme pain in being a birth parent.You didn't do anything wrong.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:53 AM on Dec. 12, 2009

  • As for what to do, I have no advice. You said it best when you said it's pretty much a play by ear on what the girl and your son have talked over and chosen, but doing what you're doing now, being supportive, is probably the best thing a person, especially a parent, can do for somebody going through this. I wish both your son and this girl a lot of luck for their futures, it's true they have a lot of tough choices to make and a tough road ahead no matter what is decided, and I wish you as a parent watching your own child go through such a thing a lot of luck as well. You're doing fine just being an open ear.

    I can suggest a few things, but it's purely if the baby is kept and your son wants a 'fast-track' life, my mom was a 15 year old mother. He can get in most states his G.E.D. by walking in and taking the test by age 16, and head to collage earlier, just an idea.
    Knightquester

    Answer by Knightquester at 1:55 AM on Dec. 12, 2009

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