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What would you do if your kid married a racist?

I am sickened beyond comprehension My son is married to a woman ( um choked on that ) that is a racist and a homophobe.
I am in my 40's and they in there 20's I raised him to be tolerant , to embrace diverstiy , I know his is discusted to but he tells himself she really isn't she a racist she just " talks out her ass somtimes" But I am not just disgusted I am afriad this lil girl is gonna get them killed , They live on the South side of Chigago and she goes around using the worst racial slurs about not only AA, but hispanics and Asians
I am dreading their holiday visit instead of looking forward to it .

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:02 AM on Dec. 12, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • Well there are racists everywhere. I can see your frustration thought, but as long as you raised your son right, there is nothing else to do. Don't worry, one ass kicking in South Chicago will be all it takes for her to keep her ignorance to herself.

    Just don't bring up race in to the holiday talk.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:08 AM on Dec. 12, 2009

  • When she is at your home tell her as nice as you can that you will not tolerate her choice of words at your home or in front of you or your family. Your son may not be the person you believe he is though. He would not have married someone that he did not share something in common with, I think you may need to have a talk with him as well.
    However, she may have been raised in a household that was normal talk. This may be a hard habit for her to break,
    ronjwake

    Answer by ronjwake at 2:15 AM on Dec. 12, 2009

  • If you are proud of your son and feel you raised him right and if your son loves her then she can't be all bad. She may just not have a filter, which some people don't...lol. She was probably raised differently then you raised your son and thats not her fault. She's probably not a racist, but if it bothers you so much then talk to her about it instead of your son. Ask her to refrain from any racial comments or jokes while in your prescence. And maybe drop her a hint that it offends people & isn't very polite for a young lady to act in such a way. Also, I doubt she will pop off at the mouth in a situation, so she probably won't get them killed. She can probably hush it when needed. Hope I could help. Good Luck.
    Mom2Dano

    Answer by Mom2Dano at 2:26 AM on Dec. 12, 2009

  • She sounds exactly like my MIL and you sound just like me!!lol Can I trade her in for you? It's a very hard situation to be in and like your son, my DH tells me his DM is just talking out her ass and pay her no mind. Well that's a lot easier said that done when she runs off at the mouth at our kids' activities with several ethnic people around myself included. This lady is going to get me killed with some of crap she spews! I just cut my MIL completely out of my life because she won't budge when it comes to her intolerance nor will I let her put me in a situation that I would have to defend her ignorance. I feel for you, I really do but when it comes down to it your son will ultimately side with his wife. I don't think there's any easy answer here.

    Perhaps she's young enough still to be influenced by you and see you as a positive role model. Whatever you do don't alienate her, it will backfire. One thing I did notice ..cont
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:32 AM on Dec. 12, 2009

  • cont..my MIL is very insecure which leads her to verbally bashing other people. Perhaps if you tried helping her work on her self esteem she'd be less likely to lash out at others. I tried this with my MIL and it did work for about two years until she fell back on her old habits with her family which led to her regression. Education and self esteem are key issues with racists as far as I can tell. I will say it's very hard to change someone like that though. I wish you the best of luck!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:36 AM on Dec. 12, 2009

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