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Christian funeral-transportation what is your opinion.

My FIL passed away a few years ago. His funeral was at the funeral home , afterwards we drove to the grave site and to their chuch. At the funeral my SIL wanted DH to sit in the front row while the rest of sat a few rows back. My husband refused. I sat back and said nothing. I didn't want to start a fight or get my husband upset.

When we went to the graveside his mom had all her kids ride with her in the family car and the spouses and kids followed in their personal car. We were going to meet at the church after all was finished. I didn't like this, but I never said a word to my husband. How often is this practiced? Would you be upset? I wonder because I am now thinking of funerals I might have to plan. I still think you don't split up families. What do the rest of you think?


Asked by Anonymous at 10:38 PM on Dec. 12, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • Sorry for your loss. As for what your inlaws did, that is NOT how the Christians I know handle funerals. The spouses and chidlren are also immediate family. It sounds like this is how the inlaws wanted it, and to me it was wrong. It is not ok to separate FAMILY, especially in a time of need. For my grandpa's funeral, we all drove in our own cars, their was no family car. We followed the herse to the cemetary and all stood around the gravesite, no one was made to sit in the or friends and there were over 60 cars in my grandfathers funeral procession.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 12:06 PM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • you're a part of the family too, why did they separate you?

    I would be offended... but at the same time I understand that they want to be together.

    When my grandmother died, I rode with my parents and siblings, and my aunts and uncles rode in their vehicles. We all drove behind the Hearse in the procession and all others drove behind.

    Answer by p3rdone at 10:43 PM on Dec. 12, 2009

  • well seeing as how it was her husband, i do say it was up to her. as will it be when you are in the same type of situation. immediate family members absolutely do not drive themselves. the last funeral i was at, we pretty much made sure everybody had a ride, whoever wanted to go. his wife didnt drive, neither did any of the kids. to me, a FIL is still close family, I would be upset if i had to go by myself. but i dont think i would be mad if my MIL wanted the siblings all together. i hope this made sense! lol

    Answer by lilianasmom1116 at 10:45 PM on Dec. 12, 2009

  • most people want immediate family first.. parents, siblings grandparents. not sure spouse matter at this time. because they aren't really thinking of them.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:46 PM on Dec. 12, 2009

  • It is appropriate for the spouses to sit with the siblings. Why would your DH want to be without his other half as he mourned the loss of his father? I believe it was wrong of her to suggest that spouses take a backseat. Most funerals have a few rows reserved for family, but the immediate (including spouses) were always to sit in the front row.

    Answer by WindyTheWidow at 10:54 PM on Dec. 12, 2009

  • how sad :46 your in laws don't think of you as family. My husband is treated just like everyone of my parent's children.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:54 PM on Dec. 12, 2009

  • People morn differently and maybe she needed her children close to her during that difficult time. You did the right thing not making a big deal of it. If it were you with your husband who had passed, you would probably want your children close too. Unless you have some kind of bus, it is difficult to get everyone in one vehicle. It was one day, you were still involved in the service. I wouldn't want my mom to be alone following the casket. If she would have only had certain children with her then that would create yet another conflict. Go with the flow, comfort those that need comforting. Its a sad time, the tough stuff is about to begin. Support your husband and be careful not to stir the pot. We just went through this ourselves. Life is short, live laugh and love when you can so you have no regrets.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:00 PM on Dec. 12, 2009

  • actually what I know of a funeral is that the children/siblings/parents of the deceased rides in the main car the added family (as what wives/children of/ etc) ride in the second car...
    At a church same for the front seats... the primary family infront and others in back...
    Don't when this started or why, but this is how I have known it to be...
    There is NO disrespect to any part of the family given, it is just how it is done...

    Answer by gmasboy at 11:03 PM on Dec. 12, 2009

  • I agree :00 and just like windy said my husband didn't want to be seperated from the family that is why he put his foot down on having to sit up front w/o us. At every other funeral I have been at the kids and their spouses were treated equal.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:22 PM on Dec. 12, 2009

  • Many funeral homes separate immediate (blood relatives) from spouses. My dh did not sit with me for either my grandmother or grandfather's funeral... though it was partly because he was a pallbearer and the pallbearers sat separately. I sat with my mom and dad instead. At my grandfather's funeral, I actually couldn't even see dh- they had the blood relatives seated to the side outside of the view of the 'main' audience. Dh and I did drive together to the gravesite after he had fulfilled his pallbearer requirement, but that was because only the children and spouse (my dad, his sibs,and my grandma) rode in the front car immediately behind the hearse. I don't think any offense is meant... this just seems to be the way some families/funeral homes organize things.

    Answer by Freela at 11:33 PM on Dec. 12, 2009