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Child Custody/Parental Rights

I have a 3 month old son with a man who does not know he is the father... I am with a new man now and when my son was born we both agreed to give my son his last name. Now I'm kind of in a bind, contemplating if I did the right thing or not! I want my son to know his REAL father even. though my fiance is a fantastic father. I plan on going to the the General Attorneys office next week, yet I'm contemplating whether to get my son's real father to sign over his rights or file for child support. How hard would it be going about this, especially with my fiance's name on the birth certificate? Will there be any court cost? Also, will his father have any rights? I've looked up my states child support laws but it's not really giving me all the information that I want. I'm not really sure what route to go, either filing for child support or asking him to sign his rights over. Any help?

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:03 AM on Dec. 13, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • i 'm so much unaware of all the rules/laws as you are, even more probably. but if it was my son and i, i'd definetely go for ALL what's best for him. since your fiance ADOPTED your son, that's obvious he's received your fiance's last name. no thing to agrue about that. your life is yours and your boy w/ you. i'd always ask for the mare minimum at least as to have some support money for the child. if you're standing well financially today doesn't mean the same will stay for tomorrow. you need your backup and support money for your boy for his needs whatever they'll apear to be. can't you have both - money and the rights to stay at the boy's real father side also. you certainly will have your rights to the boy's education and life, why the real father shouldn't have any? your son might feel better had he known 2 men are taking care for him! there is nothing more alike the bond b/t father and son! i'd ask for ... (cont)

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:33 AM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • the sign-up over 1st and later w/ time for the financial support. for dad not to think his obligations end up w/ the sign up over. were i short on money, i'd ask the court to issue a decision on who's paying what and when and have the court costs at either the side of a person who's 'considered' guilty for sthg or bill the real dad for not ... standing up to your demands thus as 'found guilty of chares, he'd have to cover all the freedommcosts and other too.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:42 AM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • You can't have it both ways. You either want him to be in your kids' life or not. If you go and try to get his rights taken away, then your giving up child support. You sound money hungry. Why would you go to this guyif your boyfriend is a good dad. What are you going to do if this guy wants joint custody?

    Answer by SaraP1989 at 2:33 AM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • The bottom line is that this is his child as much as yours. Just because you put another man's name on the birth certificate, this doesn't really give him any legal rights. You are being selfish by keeping your son from his father without good reason. If you seek for him to terminate parental rights, you may be surprised by his reaction. Either way, you should give the boy's father the chance to step up and be a father, not just financially.

    Answer by nurseratchet67 at 3:29 AM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • I agree with nurserachet67. A name on the birth certificate doesn't mean he has legal rights. You need to tell the baby's father.

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 9:56 AM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • Because you put your fiance on the BC as the father, he is the one that will be acknowledged as the father. If you were to break up, he would be the one responsible for child support, etc. If you just gave your child your fiances last name, not a big deal. You do need to find the biofather and tell him he has a child and give him the chance to be a father. Establish paternity, set up child support and custody. It is VERY difficult to have someone's parental rights terminated, especially if the father doesn't know he is a father. You need to contact an attorney and do what is right, legally and morally.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:49 AM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • You signed a legal document stating that fiance was the father. Yes there will be court costs not to mention hurt feelings. And you will have a LOT of explaining to do. Not to mention you seem to want everything ... you want your fiance to be the daddy, the bd to know he has a son and provide financial support, but not have any say... NOPE DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY.
    When you declare someone the father and they are on the bc they also have certain rights as well as responsibilities. You want to change the name, you want financial support, you also need to be ready to share in decision making and visitation.

    You cannot have it all just your way there is another person, actually 3 other people involved in this decision. You can have him know his bio dad w/o going to court or having an official change.

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 2:53 PM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • i thought about termination of parental rights. i contacted a lawyer about this once. he told me the courts usually don;t do it unless there is someone there to adopt the baby. be very careful. if he has a good father figure in his life and u are happy about that let it go. the real biofather will not be giving u any support if u terminate his rights as a father. and considering he doesn;t know he has a son he might come back and want to be part of his life. so really think about ur son in this situation. and ofcourse down the road when he figures out he doesn;t exactly look like ur fiance. my little cousin caught on but he was older when my aunt married his step dad. but kids know more then we think they do. i went for support because he wants to
    be in her life and its legally taken care of. do it all through the courts. good luck

    Answer by lambdarose at 11:03 PM on Dec. 13, 2009

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